


Eventide

by SharktasticAF



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Bella Swan with a Backbone, Bisexual Bella Swan, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gaslighting, Human Bella Swan, Imprinting, Mutual Pining, Pining, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Swearing, Useless Lesbians, We Die Like Men, fuck heteronormativity, pack content, previous edward/bella, so slow at first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28714365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharktasticAF/pseuds/SharktasticAF
Summary: So, here we go. Essentially, Bella Swan is left in the forest by Edward (just like in New Moon) and she mopes and is sad. Leah gets dumped by her high school sweetheart and former fiancé Sam for her cousin and she becomes depressed. Now here is where stuff gets cool: Leah starts to become angry rather than sad and she is trying to prove Sam was wrong for leaving her and she gains all the muscle and gets angrier and angrier. Boom! She is a wolf and then Harry dies of heart attack and Seth changes then too. Leah, ashamed runs off into the woods ashamed and heartbroken only to stumble upon Bella jumping off of a cliff to her nearly certain death. dun dun dun. The story is not written this casually but this is the mood I'm in rn. I update at least 2 times a week, should be every day but you know, college.at the halfway point I will be making a bunch of fluffy one shots that have no impact on story but make me smile so, your move.
Relationships: Leah Clearwater/Bella Swan
Comments: 24
Kudos: 162





	1. First Sight

**Author's Note:**

> How do broskis? This story is something I have been thinking about for a long time, if you have any opinions or CONSTRUCTIVE criticism please let me know. I need a beta and everything is kind of rough but currently I am vibing hard with Kristen Stewart in anything and Julia Jones is drop dead gorgeous so let's take their Twilight characters and get rid of heteronormativity. This is my set up chapter tbh don't know if anything will come of this but I have got my layout and if I get 2 hits I'll write the second chapter. I have no friends and therefore need a beta so holla at ya bitch.

First Sight

Part I: Bella

Jacob had promised me cliff diving, hadn’t he? Just because he was unavailable, should I give up the distraction I so badly needed? It was made worse by the fact that Jacob was out there fighting for me, risking his life for me. Even if his newer romantic advances were not welcome, he was my best friend, my own personal sun. If it weren’t for me, Victoria would not be killing people here. _Innocent people._ She would be far away doing anything else. If anything were to happen to Jacob or any other member of the pack, the blame would land squarely on my shoulders. It would be my fault. That realisation had hit home and stabbed deep in my thoughts. 

I need an outlet, I thought as a paced back up the dirt road towards Billy's house. I climbed in my truck where it sat by the garage that had so often been full of our raucous laughter and some new memories that would conceal the old. As I began to drive down the road to the lane, I knew passed the cliffs, I heard Edward’s voice. Velvet, perfect. The agony I felt in my chest lessened at the thought of seeing him again, hearing him again if even just for a moment. I started to look for the little side road, maybe more of a path, that would lead me out to the ledge of the cliffs where I had seen Sam and the pack however long ago.

I followed the path driving slowly and cautiously. I looked around frequently for little turns or notches or forks in the road because Jacob had planned to take us on a lower outcropping of the cliffs rather than the path up top. I drove until the path came to a small fanning and platform just out of the tree line and hopped out. It had started to rain. When had it started to rain? The wind seemed fierce as if it could blow me over with little effort.

No backing down now, I thought to myself as I approached the platform. The clouds were pressing closer to the ground now and fat heavy drops were beginning to fall with force. Drops splattered out on my face as I climbed out to where I thought would be the best possible jumping point. I told myself that there was no time to climb down to one of the many smaller ledges below. I had no need to try to rationalise my decision to myself. I _wanted_ to jump from the highest peak possible. I wanted to fly, fall for so long and look up and see the sun peaking over the clouds. I wanted to hear Edward chastising me and talking me out of what had to be the most reckless decision I had made so far. The thought made me smile, the crippling pain I had felt every time I was alone was nearly gone. My body knew his voice was only seconds away. 

The ocean felt far, sounded farther than it had before. It was daunting. There were so many aspects of this that were daunting. I knew it would be cold and I preemptively shivered at the thought. The wind blew stronger now if it were possible and rain soaked me from every angle. I stopped just short of the very edge of the platform. Keeping my eyes shut tight as I felt the fear pit in my stomach, or was it excitement? I drew in a deep breath and thought about stepping forward off of the platform and waited. 

“Bella…” 

I smiled, keeping my eyes closed.

Yes, I thought but didn’t say out loud. As if hearing my voice would shatter this perfect illusion of _Him_. He sounded so real, like he was standing next to me. The only time I felt I could truly remember his voice with all of its velvety texture and musical intonation was when he was disapproving. 

“Don’t do this,” he pleaded.

You wanted me to be human, I reminded him smugly in my own head. 

Now watch me, I added. 

“Bella, please don’t. For me.”

But you won’t stay with me any other way.

“Please.” It was a whisper in the whistling wind, barely audible. My hair was whipping around loudly as my clothes were becoming drenched, this might as well have been my second dive of the day. I rolled on to the balls of my feet.

“No, Bella!” he was angry now. I remember him being so beautiful when he was angry, his brows would furrow, and he would pout. The emotion was lovely. I raised my arms up over my head and lifted my face toward the rain. I reminded myself then that you always jump feet first the first time. I dropped my arms, crouched my knees, and jumped forward. 

I screamed as I was dropping through the air. I was coming down fast like a meteor. My scream was of exhilaration as I fell quickly fighting against the wind and gravity. 

“Yes!” I cried victoriously as I sliced through the surface of the water.

It was icy. Colder than I had thought. The chill of the water only added to the adrenaline rush. I was proud of myself and pushed deeper into the freezing black water. This was supposed to be this great challenge, but I was rolling on pure adrenaline. Then the current caught me. I was so focused on the size of the cliffs I had never considered the obvious and more perilous danger of the black water dragging me under. I wasn’t thinking when I jumped about the dark menace lurking below the cliff faces. The waves were in an all-out war above me, slamming me back and forth between them as if to rip me in half. I knew to avoid the riptide and swim parallel to the beach. I knew to avoid swimming towards the shore even though every bone in my body was telling me to get to the safety of the shore. None of that did me any good though, when I couldn’t locate the shore. I was so lost in the fighting of the waves and the pull of the current I couldn’t even find the surface.

The water was pitch black in every direction. No sign of light to pull me to the surface. Gravity had all the power in a fight with the air, but it stood no chance against the waves. I couldn’t even feel myself sinking, only the thrashing of the waves. I tried to hold my breath. I fought to keep the oxygen in my lungs. I wasn’t surprised when I heard Edward’s worried tone as the panic, I felt began to increase tenfold. I could vaguely hear his voice. 

“Keep swimming.” Where would I go? Where is there to swim. There is only darkness. 

“Stop that! Don’t you dare give up!” Panic evident in his false voice. His perfect velvety hushed voice pleading with me. What more did he want from me? I wasn’t enough to stay for, now he has no reason to be ashamed anymore. I’ll be gone from the world. I was dying, the cold water numbed my arms and legs. My body felt heavy. 

“Keep fighting! God dammit Bella, you have to keep fighting!” What’s the point? I didn’t want to keep fighting. It wasn’t the lightheadedness or the cold, not even the failure of my arms. I was content. Edward was here, he wanted me here, in this moment. I felt bliss, this was the easiest death I had ever faced, oddly peaceful. That was when I saw _Him._ He was there in all his beauty. I could see him so clearly, more defined than any memory I’d had before. 

He was here for me. He was here for me in my final moments, how could I have gotten luckier? I could see his perfect face: the shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the fine line of his jaw, and the gold in his beautiful furious eyes. He was angry, maybe because I was giving up. His nostrils flared in rage and he yelled.

“No! Bella, no!” I couldn’t hear his voice as clearly anymore; the freezing water flooded my ears. But I could tell his tone and inflection. He came to me then and wrapped his arms around me. I would die in Edward’s arms. As I cramped up in the cold water and slowly allowed consciousness to leave me I realised I was warm. This must be heaven. But if it's heaven why is it all going black?


	2. First Sight Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time it's Leah's deal, this is like idk maybe 6 months since Sam and Emily met so Leah is still really not vibing and she's angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi this was meant to be chapter 1 but I also was not creative enough to have this all typed up when I posted the first chapter, thanks if you're reading because that shit is crazy and very humbling. I am going to be writing Leah very differently than Bella. I kept Bella very true to the books and how Stephanie writes her and you know chapter one is just the cliff diving scene with some changes. Leah is going to be more causal and more blunt i think, I dunno. TO BE CLEAR I DO NOT INTEND TO PLAGIARIZE AND I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT so don't sue me kay?

Part II: Leah

Sam was looking at Seth again. I don’t like it. The way he stares at my brother as if he didn’t betray my family, betray me. He leers at Seth like he owes him something. I am worried Seth might even join Sam’s group of steroid-ridden hall monitors. Seth has been bulking up and getting taller. He looks like a miniature version of the fuckers Sam runs around with. They act like they’re better than everyone else. Sam and my bitch cousin Emily have corrupted some of the few good kids left on this reservation. Jared Cameron, Embry Call, even Jacob Black. I mean I never liked Jacob, but I have nothing but respect for Uncle Billy. I have respect for my tribe and the history of our people. I don’t understand how Billy could have let Jacob go to the dark side. 

We were just sitting there on Third Beach and Sam and his group of morons were staring at Seth, I guess he looks their ideal type. He’s nearly 6’2 at 15 years old. He’s too kind for his own good, easily corrupted. They look at him because his growth spurt doesn’t seem to be slowing. To be fair though, we are both tall. Even _I_ have been getting taller and bulkier. Although, that may be in part my lacklustre revenge plot against Sam. I know deep down I can’t win the breakup but, if I am gonna let that asshole determine myself worth he can go fuck himself. I have been exercising, running around the beaches, the reservation. I got into hardcore girl rock like the Runaways and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.

Sam was my high school sweetheart. We were together for 5 years. We got engaged and then one day he came to my house without even the decency to look remorseful. 

He said, “I don’t love you anymore and I never have.”

He didn’t say more than that. Then I confided in my best friend in the whole world, my cousin from the Makkah Reservation, Emily. Only to find **_MY_** ex-fiancé wrapped in her arms when I got there. He left me for my cousin and neither of them had the decency or humanity to tell me. From that day on I have never trusted Sam anyone who associates with him. On that day I learned you can’t trust your friends or your family. Everyone in this world is on her own. The only people who are the exceptions to my anti-people policy are my brother, Seth and my mother. 

My father and I have not gotten along since I found out Sam had left me. He had nothing to say to me. He told me to move on, he fully supported Sam! He blamed me for the breakup and when he received the wedding announcement from Emily, he put it on the fridge for anyone and everyone to see it. He said I wasn’t woman enough for Sam. I wasn’t right for him and I should move on and forget the better part of 5 years of my life. He has never been on my side; he always took anyone else’s side. In fact, the entire counsel heard about the breakup and out of all the crotchety old men on the counsel only one of them expressed condolences and genuine concern for my well-being. Uncle Billy. The only reason I like him anymore, even if he did send Jacob off to work for an asshole. They miss school and run amok without their shirts on all over the reservation. Who does that help?

All the elders have blind spots for Sam and his crew of troublemakers. 

I got sick and tired of being without staring distance of the pack of dickheads. 

“So,” I mumbled to Seth “I’m going for a walk.” I got up and plugged in my earbuds. Unaware of any reply from him and started walking briskly. If I am going to be exposed to them, they can see me from the back running away from them. I started to jog slowly letting the wisdom of Joan Jett wash over my brain. I hate myself for loving you. I really do. 5 years gone in the blink of an eye. I thought it was love. True love. The more time goes on I realise I just hadn’t ever been exposed to anyone else. Sam was a good man to me during our relationship. He was attentive and always remembered our anniversaries. Then he disappears for 4 weeks and comes back with his long hair cropped off and a tattoo. He was definitely on steroids. How could he have bulked up that much in 4 weeks without a little chemical enhancement? I was furious and then he promised it was nothing and we drifted apart. He was always lying to me. Running around all times of day, ignoring my calls and existence. I tried to keep us together, we’d been together the entirety of our adolescence and adult lives, I knew we were drifting apart but we put so much time and effort into something that meant nothing for him.

When I look back I know it’s not true love cause no fairytales ever end like this with the heroine depressed while her so called knight in shining armour is fucking her cousin. It’s wrong, it’s rude, and god it hurt so bad. I wanted to be brave. I didn’t want it to hurt as badly as it did. I thought I was above that kind of stupid thing. But it hurt then, and it still hurts now. 

I shook my head and continued on my jog. Although, the jog had turned to a full out sprint. I wasn’t supposed to be moping. I was supposed to be angry, getting even. If he’s gonna take my best friend, I’m going to be the hot one to come out of this break up and I’ll end up being 10 times as happy as him! I told myself I could have a perfect guy who was sweet and would hold my hand and wouldn’t leave me high and dry. It was about revenge more than my own happiness though, and I knew that somewhere subconsciously. But right now, I just had to get as far away as I could from those goddamn pieces of shit. 

Joan started “I Love Rock n’ Roll” as my house came into view. I hadn’t realised I had run that far in that little time, strange. I slowed to a walk and paced myself when I saw my father’s truck outside. If Dad was home, I’d have to sneak by him. I couldn’t deal with another argument, especially right now. I pulled my earphones out and tucked them into my cut-offs while approaching the house. The TV was on, the Seahawks were losing, and Dad was yelling. I thought he was going to be hunting for a bear with Chief Swan when Seth and I left the house. We’d planned around Dad’s absence. If he was home this early, they must’ve caught and killed the bear responsible for the hikers’ deaths. He should have been drunk then, maybe with a light buzz, I could hear the TV from outside the living room window and peeked in to see that it was the beginning of the third quarter and 3 empty Rainier beers on the ground. Chief Swan wasn’t there, neither was Uncle Billy. Maybe they hadn’t caught the bear after all, and Dad couldn’t keep going. 

My Dad has had a bad heart for years. When I was 14, he had his first heart attack, and he hasn’t been quite the same since. He is pretty limited in his abilities now. Mom works at the only diner in town now since Dad can’t work. I might just have to wait to go in, I thought to myself as I sighed. Maybe when he’s had more to drink or eat, I’ll go in. He’ll fall asleep soon, or I could wait for Seth to get back from the beach. Mom won’t be home from work for a while. I looked down at myself and realised I was covered in sweat, maybe I should just go in now. I need a shower. I put my headphones back in to catch the beginning of “Dead End Justice” by The Runaways. I took a deep breath and stepped into the house making sure to make as little noise as possible. When I went to close the door the squeak that I always forget to anticipate rang out. SQUEAKKKK.

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath. He had almost definitely heard that. 

“Who’s home? Seth is that you?” My dad called from the living room. I sighed loudly and turned down my music as much as I could to hear him clearly but not all the way off. I would need the help of Cherie Currie. So much for avoiding a fight.

“No Dad, it's me.” I replied.

“Oh, come here.” I sighed again and trudged over to the couch where my father was cracking open another Rainier. “Where’s your brother?” he asked.

“We went to the beach a few hours ago and he's probably still there.” Dad grumbled as he tried to think of something else to say. We weren’t always this tense. Things had gotten so tough between us.

“Why are you all sweaty?” 

“I went for a run.”

“You know Leah, boys don’t like girls who can run faster than them. I’ve seen you running around on First Beach, it's not very lady like.”

“Why does that matter?”

“Well maybe if you started acting more like a woman instead of this angry muscle-head, men would want to be with you and you, and Sam could move on.”

“What does Sam have to do with any of this?”

“Sam has had a hard time too Leah and he doesn’t need to be constantly reminded of you and see you everywhere he goes.” He said so damn matter of factly.

“HE HAS IT HARD?” I screamed. Dad looked freaked for a second before he recomposed himself. I was livid. The whole of six months he had taken Sam’s side over his own daughter! I was so mad I could feel myself burning and getting my brain ready for a heated fight.

“Not everything has to be about you Leah. You could look for new passions or anything, maybe just leave the reservation. Sam suffers too.” Somewhere in the back of my mind I registered the telltale squeak of the front door, Seth was home. 

“NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE ABOUT ME??! THAT’S YOUR TAKEAWAY FROM MY SUFFERING?!”

“Sam is a good man and you’re being overly dramatic; you just need to get some distance.”

“YOU’D RATHER HE WALK AROUND HERE THAN ME?!” I was outraged. He chose the man who hurt me so severely over me his own flesh and blood. That was the tipping point. I saw red and before I knew what to think I was screaming, and my bones were breaking. I was hunched over forward and looking at paws. Wait. Fucking paws. I looked up to see claw marks covering my mother’s clean floor. I moved my eyes to the left to see Dad with his mouth agape and his eyes glossy. His hand gripping his chest. Seth was standing in the hallway. Staring and shaking hard. He couldn’t process what was happening and suddenly he exploded too. Dad fell forward and hit the floor groaning and holding his chest. 

_Dad!_ I screamed but it came out as a mangled animal noise.

Seth was making a noise outwardly that seemed to be crying but I could hear him talking. _Dad! What the hell is going on??!? Leah! Ahhhh!_

Another voice entered the fray. I recognised Paul La(whore)’s voice immediately. 

_Shit. Sam. Seth phased, Harry’s having a heart attack and Leah seems to have phased too._ He added with clear distaste but whether he was referring to me or the situation it was yet to be determined. 

_Lee Lee._

My heart stopped. He has no right to call me that after everything that has happened, I can’t be near him. 

_Lee- Leah I’m sorry. You’re right I have no right but right now you’ve got to get out of your house- you don’t want to hurt Harry more._

How the fuck could he hear what I was thinking? I did as I was told though and booked it through the door that Seth hadn’t closed with him hot on my tail. I had a tail. OHMYGOD. _I can’t I what..._ I couldn’t think coherently, and I ran. I didn’t want to think. I could hear commotion in my wake. Someone had entered the house and was helping Dad. I couldn’t think about that right now. I started running. I was running and running. I had paws and a tail. I was not on two legs anymore. I think I’m panicking. Oh god. I finally looked up from my fee-.. paws. I was at Second Beach by the cliffs. 

I slowed and looked around, I hadn’t even realised where I was running. Second Beach on the tallest cliff was my safe space. It’s where I had gone with Emily for years every time she would drive down for the holidays or a birthday. I had watched the sunset countless times. This is where Sam and I had our first kiss. Despite all the negatives in my life, only relief and peace lived here. It had started to rain on the run over, thick drops and strong wind that would have made me cold if I were human. I wasn’t human. It still hadn’t dawned on me that I was a dog, maybe a wolf, like the legends. I moved to sit on my ledge when I saw a girl stumble out of an orange truck and trip her way to my ledge. 

She looked familiar; I’d seen her before. It was Chief Swan’s daughter. I couldn’t remember her name, but Jacob Black had been pulling her around all summer and nearly every time I saw him in the last few months she was not far behind. She was standing in the rain, she seemed to be at peace and calm. Suddenly she raised her arms to the sky, and I held my breath for fear she might dive. When she lowered her arms, my muzzle let out a huff. Then she jumped feet first hurling herself off of the cliff. Holy Shit. I have to save her, she could drown, she could be killed. I vaguely heard voices screaming in the back of my head, I assume all the people who had been there to witness my explosion.

I ran to the ledge to see a ring of white bubbles where her body had disappeared into the waves. I couldn’t jump in and save her as a dog. I can’t let someone die. I began to pace and breathe heavily. The longer I spend up here the less likely she is to survive. I sat down and stopped moving. I tried to slow my breathing and calm down. I focused on the sound of the rain and the waves crashing. I needed to save her. If I became a dog I can unbecome a dog. I’d seen Paul on two legs before, if that fucking moron could do it I could. Wait. Legs! I thought about standing on two legs, thought about the sand between my toes, walking on two legs. In the back of my mind, I heard Jacob Black saying something about a bell. 

I took a deep breath, and I was human again. I wanted to just dive down to the girl who had still yet to resurface. I hesitated for just a moment when I realised I was naked, but just for a moment and then I was jumping off the platform. Saving a human life is worth a little embarrassment. I hit the water and it seemed to steam off of me on impact. I swam down and was shocked at how easy it was. I could see a little shine in the water, which amazed me because the water had looked black from above. I followed the sliver of silver and found a hand. This was the girl. I grabbed her hand and pulled her into my arms. She was colder than the water if that were possible. I wrapped myself around her and kicked upwards as fast as I could. I broke the surface and took in a huge breath when I realised the girl wasn’t breathing. I booked it to shore with one arm slung around her waist and hurled my body on to the beach. I dragged her up above the waterline towards the rocky part of the beach and started to shake her.

“Swan!” I shook her shoulders. “SWAN!” she wasn’t responding. “Fuck.” I tried to think about the CPR I learned sophomore year of high school. “Fuck don’t die!” I started chest compressions almost sure I was doing them wrong, and still nothing. I checked her pulse; it was weak but barely there. I did the kiss of life thing and pumped her chest a few more times pleading with her to stay alive. 

Suddenly with a lurch she shot up a foot and started to throw up water and sand on the side of her body. She turned back to face me for a split second. That's when something happened. I looked at her barely focused eyes and everything I had ever cared about was gone. Sam, Emily, Mom, Seth, ...Dad. Nothing mattered anymore. It's as if everything that was tying me to those people had been severed. This weak girl who was blue from the cold and throwing up water. This girl who tried to kill herself right in front of me was the most important thing in the world. How? How is this possible? I didn’t want to ever be apart from her. I didn’t even know her name. 

“BELLA!” A voice shouted from up the beach. Fuck. It was Jacob coming to get his girlfriend. Bella is a pretty name, it suits her. I didn’t want to leave. How would it look? Me kneeling naked over a girl who doesn't know where she is. I didn’t want to leave her, I wanted to memorise her face. I bet she’d be nice.

“BELLA!” It was closer now. Bella seemed to be regaining active consciousness. I had saved her life; I had done my good deed and I needed to leave. I looked at her one more time trying to memorise the colours of her hair. I shot up to my feet and sprinted into the woods. My soul focus on how Jacob would interact with this girl.

He got to her as soon as I had disappeared and hugged her tight, they exchanged words I was too far away to hear and he handed her a jacket and was about to help her up when Sam came running up from the cliffs and shouted down, “Harry’s dead!”

Oh Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read the whole thing in John Mulaney's voice, comment.  
> Also also... did y'all catch the little bit of Leah in the previous chapter or does it need to be way more obvious? lemme know. Also still need a beta and someone who is good at writing smut so holla at me.


	3. Realisations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where Bella is coming to terms with being more distanced from things. Bella tells Jacob no and feels less about Edward, has an incredibly plot convenient dream, I mean she does that in the books too so it's not cheating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Underacloud for reading through my nonsense and offering feedback, you rock, you are smart and very helpful. This one is long so buckle up.

Part III: Bella

“Fuck don’t die” A voice commanded above me. The voice was crazed and anxious, I felt a stab of pain because it was nothing like Edward’s. I didn’t know I was dying but I could feel the water in my lungs burning icily. A rock smacked into my chest then, and water had begun to leave my lungs. I could feel my eyes opening and black spots clouding my vision. The rock hit me again, it wasn’t a rock, it felt hard enough, but it was hot on my skin. I still couldn’t comprehend my surroundings or what was happening. A mouth was on mine then, pushing air into my lungs. My chest felt like it was breaking and pushed on a few more times.

Was I really dying again? It hadn’t felt as nice as it did last time, black spots had almost completely clouded my vision. My head was spinning, the pressure on my chest was red hot and my lungs ached. Everything burned and I felt completely weak. There was nothing worth living for, nothing worth the constant pain I was feeling, nothing worth looking at. I tried to fight through the pain though, death wasn’t worth it if it felt like this, if it feels like life does. I opened my eyes slightly and rested on black eyes and strong copper hands. I had to get up. I had to throw up.

I sat up slightly and leaned over to my side. I started to vomit. I could feel the burn of the salty sea water escaping up my throat as I tried to pull in air at the same time. I felt a warm hand caressing my hair and cooing softly. It felt so nice. I started to black out again only to hear my name being shouted. I closed my eyes and Jacob was there, kneeling in front of me holding my hands and then pulling me into a hug. 

“How long was I unconscious?'' I asked in a raspy voice I was surprised was my own. It was jarring to hear that come from myself.

“I don’t know,” Jacob responded, still somewhat frantic and desperate. His warm hands felt their way into my hair and massaged my head. Huh, it doesn’t feel nice anymore. “A few minutes maybe, it wouldn’t ha- didn’t take long to pull you up to the beach.” I had picked up on a wooshing sound once the ringing in my ears had subsided. I closed my eyes again; it was too hard to keep them open and talk. I thought the sound was the ocean, the waves had been turbulent when I was among them. It wasn’t the waves, however. It was me, pulling air into my lungs then pushing it out. My throat burned, it’s like it had been rubbed raw with steel wool. 

“Did you hurt anything when you fell?” He asked, concerned. 

“I don’t think so,” I managed to squeak out, “Just my throat, I think.”

I tried to open my eyes again, it took a minute. I could start to make out colours and shapes again. The clouds were the first thing I could see completely clearly. Dark, and purple and still full of rain. I was now conscious enough to realise I was freezing. I took shallow breaths through quivering lips and chattering teeth. I leaned completely into Jake; he was warm. 

“Let’s get you out of here,” he said. He slid his arms under me and lifted me up without any effort, as if I were an empty cardboard box. His chest was bare and warm, and I leaned into his warmth again. I rested my head in the crook of his neck as he hunched over to keep the rain from soaking me any further. I closed my eyes and fell unconscious again.

I woke up again as I was put in the passenger seat of my truck. I felt dizzy and lost for a second. I held the door open and threw up again more bile than actual sea water at this point, before closing the door and resting my head against the windowpane. Jacob slid into the driver’s seat and sat back, relieved.

“How did you find me?” I rasped inquisitively.

“I was looking for you,” he responded, “I followed your tire tracks to your truck and then I realised what you had to have done.” He finished and then he glowered at me. “Why would you jump? Didn’t you notice it’s a damn hurricane out there? You couldn’t have waited for me could you?” His anger flooded his tone as I could tell his relief was fading. 

“Sorry,” I murmured as loud as I could, “It was stupid.”

“Fuck Bella, it was really stupid, I don’t mind if you save the stupid stuff for when you’re with me because I’m around to save you, but I won’t be able to concentrate and do my job if I’m worrying about you jumping off of cliffs behind my back.” He sighed, clearly having gotten his anger out of his system. 

“Sorry, won't happen again Jake.” I sounded like a chain-smoker, but I saved it with my smile and a double thumbs up. He wasn’t convinced but he dropped it. I decided to change the subject and pull the attention away from me. “How did it go today? … Did you catch _her_?” I shuddered thinking about Victoria and scooted closer to Jacob and his external heat. 

“Not exactly she’s a slippery little bitch. We chased her up to the Canadian border but then we had to come back down. Harry Clearwater had a heart attack this afternoon.”

“Oh god, does Charlie know?” I asked, no longer caring about my own discomfort. 

“Yeah, he’s down at the hospital right now. Harry didn’t make it.”

“Oh my god Jake. I’m so sorry is there anything I can do? I’m so sorry for pulling focus away from anyone’s life.”

“Right now, you can stay here.” I looked up and we were at my house. When had that happened? I guess I was more out of it than I had thought. He shut the engine off and walked over to the passenger side where I had opened the door. He picked me up and carried me through the door to the kitchen and plopped me down on the island. “Stay right here, I’m gonna get you a towel.”

“Linen closet’s on the left- yeah,” were my very thorough instructions to Jacob as I sat there, shivering. He handed me a towel and stood close enough to me that I could feel his body’s heat. I started to dry off my arms and then hopped down to dry my waist and torso. Jacob leaned into me. 

“Bells, I was so worried,” he started, leaning down to speak to me more directly. “I didn’t know if I was doing CPR right.” He grabbed a second towel and started to dry off my head and hair. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had died Bella. I started thinking about all the things we’d have missed out on. I never would’ve gotten to take you on a date. I never could have proved myself to you or proved to you how much we love each other.” He took both of my cold hands and put them in one of his. He started to walk forward into me, effectively trapping me against the kitchen island. “I saved you though. I don’t have to worry about losing time with you anymore.” He leaned forward and kissed me. My hands left his hand and went to his chest, not in an embrace I was trying to push him back. 

“Jacob,” I moved my head to the side to speak, “I’m sorry but I don’t feel that way towards you.”

“Yes you do Bella,” he insisted, pulling my chin up so my eyes met his. “You just don’t know it yet. All the time we spend together, all the hugs and touches. You know deep down you want me Bella. Friends don’t have the connection we do. We mean so much more to each other. I know you love me; you just don’t know it yet.” He leaned down again and kissed me deeper this time. I pushed back harder this time. 

“Jake, I don’t-”

“If you didn’t love me you wouldn't have spent all that time with me. You wouldn’t have led me on. Leading a guy on is such a mean thing to do Bells. But you're not mean...You’re nice and pretty and I know you love me. Why can't you just see it, too?” By now I was pushing as hard as I could in my weakened state. His hands had migrated down my body and he was gripping my waist tightly, I thought I would bruise if he held on any longer. He leaned down to kiss me again when he froze. 

“Leech.” He let go of me immediately and darted towards the front door. 

“Edward?...” I breathed, so softly I doubt it actually made a sound. It felt like a reflex. Vampire equaled Edward in my mind. Jacob was glaring at the door as if waiting for something when the doorbell rang. Jacob threw open the door ready to murder. At the same moment, the phone rang. I crossed the kitchen to peer at the doorway. It was Alice! She was standing there holding her nose and glaring right back at Jacob. Jacob was poised to attack. 

“Bella,” Alice trilled loud enough for me to hear. “Are you in here?” Just as I was about to respond the phone screamed again and I crossed to the counter to grab the home phone off the hook. Alice would know I was here. 

“Hello,” I answered, trying to keep the raspiness of my voice in check. 

“Bella?” _Edward._

“Yes.” I answered softly and tenuously.

“You’re alive.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Ed-.” The dial tone sounded before I could finish his name. I braced for the pain in my chest that would inevitably come. And it did hurt, though not nearly as bad as it should have. 

At this point the argument at the door came back into focus and I heard a loud thud as flesh met the door, I knew that sound. I’d tripped into that door more times than I can count. Alice appeared before me in the kitchen and oh so dramatically embraced me before dropping to her knees. She held me tight enough where she could get the reassurance she needed while not outright suffocating me. 

“I thought you died!” She said sadly, if she could cry she would be. “I saw you jump; I saw you jump off a cliff! I can’t see your future anymore. In fact, I can’t see past him,” she pointed accusingly at Jacob, “and his disgusting pack of mutts.”

“I’m not the one who smells like a corpse, _Leech_.” Jacob responded with an icy tone. “I’m not the blood sucker who is going to end up hurting her. I won’t leave her to die like you have.”

“I wouldn’t hurt her, from what I heard outside, it seems like I was saving her from you. She said no _mutt_.” Jacob gritted his teeth and looked like he was about to jump her.

“Hey,” I gestured to both of them as best I could from Alice’s vice grip. “Hey, guys please. I am not hurt, and I am alive, can we just leave it at that?” Alice nodded and let me go. She stood up faster than I could blink and helped me stand shortly after. I looked at her more carefully then, “Why are you here, Alice?”

“Oh, you didn’t want me here?”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that, but you guys left.. Why come back now?”

“Your future disappeared, Bella. I came to help Charlie. I thought you died.”

“Where are you staying?” I inquired.

“Nowhere yet, I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

“You can stay here then.” I offered only for Jacob to immediately protest.

“Bella you can’t be serious it's a lee-.”

“You need to leave now Jacob.. I need to get out of my clothes, I’ll call you tomorrow. Thank you for everything.” I said sweetly. He looked outraged and stormed out of my house slamming the door behind him. 

“You really do need to change. you smell like a wet dog, how many wolves have you been around?”

“Just Jake.” she looked at me suspiciously.

“There’s two different smells on you.”

“Oh, Sam was around Jake today I think.” As if that explained it. I was so tired at this point explanations didn’t matter. I beelined for the stairs and started to slowly ascend. When I reached my room I began to strip, not caring if Alice saw anything. I bunched all of my wet clothes on the floor not wanting to deal with it right now. I turned to my dresser to see Alice with thick winter pajamas in her hand. She tossed them gently to me and by some miracle I caught them. I pulled on the thick sweats and flannel night shirt along with a pair of pink fuzzy socks and made my way over to the bed. Alice had laid out several blankets and was sitting on the far edge. I climbed into bed and Alice started to talk.

“I can’t see your future, Bella. I thought I was coming back to forks to help my grieving best friend’s father plan her funeral. I came because I thought you killed yours-”

“I wasn’t committing suicide.” I interrupted. 

“Let me finish.” She fixed me with the look she gave when she was right, and I needed to shut up. “I thought Jacob Black might’ve been the cause of my ‘Bella Black out’, but I can’t see any of your future and I can’t imagine every decision you’re going to make in the future is going to include Jacob.” She paused for a second. “Ever since before I knew you Bella, I could see your future. I knew we were going to be friends, but the future changes often. Up until September I had seen your future as a vampire. You and Edward, together. You with red eyes and sparkling skin. I thought you’d be my sister. When he made us leave, I no longer saw that future. He had made the decision. I never saw him in your future again, but I could still see your future, Bella.” She took my hands in hers and looked in my eyes. “Despite what you may think, you’re my best friend Bella. You are very important to me and it broke my heart to leave you. We left because Edward thought you’d be safer this way, but I never imagined you’d jump off of a cliff.”

“It’s cliff diving, it's a rush. You do it for fun.” I said cheekily but she was in no mood for jokes. I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the scratchy quality. “He- Edward called when you rang the doorbell. How did he know?”

“Rosalie must’ve told him. He was probably calling to call her bluff.” she admitted sadly. I nodded dazed. 

“Aside from jumping off a cliff, I really haven’t been that safe after you guys left.” She cocked her head to the side confused. “Well Laurent came after me in October and the wolves killed him. Victoria has been running around recently, she is not so easily caught.”

“Victoria?!” Alice asked, shocked. 

“I thought you would know..” 

“No, I didn’t. I haven’t exactly been watching her, but I have been watching you. It must be the wolves.” She looked thoughtful, “Maybe if I focus on her decisions.” She added more to herself. She moved to stand up and my hand reached out of its own free will to grab her arm. 

“Alice, don’t leave again, it’ll hurt too much.” I pleaded with her.

She looked surprised but stood anyway and smiled down at me. “I won’t leave, at least not before I can figure this out and get Victoria out of the way. I needed a break from the family anyway. No one is happy.” Her smile dimmed a little. “If I am to stay in town I’ll need to find more permanent lodgings. Somewhere far enough Victoria won’t know I am here.” She started to mumble to herself too low and too fast for me to hear properly. She sped over to my desk and wrote something down on a sticky note. She handed me the sticky note, it had a phone number written on it in beautiful calligraphy. 

“I’ll never be more than 15 minutes away. I am here for you Bella, but you definitely need sleep. Hopefully you didn’t catch a cold.” I tucked the sticky note into my pocket and whispered a “Thank you Alice” into the air but she was already gone. I hadn’t missed that about vampires. Then it dawned on me. Edward had called. He had called my house with the intention of talking to Charlie… to confirm my death. It was strange, my heart hadn’t done the little pitter-patter of excitement it always had whenever I had heard his voice before. Maybe I was too tired, too cold, too scared, too numb. I hardly reacted to hearing from who I thought had been the love of my life. Even if he hadn’t been checking up on me, I should have been ecstatic, pleading with him to come back for me. His voice wasn’t the rich, musical, velvety tone I had been romanticising in my head. His tone was withdrawn and clipped with no room for warmth. 

I lie there pondering what that could have meant, to have heard his voice again. I drifted off sometime in the process. My dream wasn’t the same nightmare I’d been having for months now. I wasn’t in the woods, I wasn’t tripping, running, screaming after Edward. It wasn’t raining out, I wasn’t cold, the wind wasn’t sharp and cutting. Instead, I was sitting on the ledge I had jumped from earlier. The sky was yellow and fading slowly to the pinks and purples of sunset. I was enraptured in the beauty of the sunset; I nearly missed the massive silver wolf approaching on my right. It stretched and laid down, wrapping its rear legs around my back and resting its large head on its paws. It was too big to be a real wolf, and it reminded me of Jacob. 

She was smaller, more nimble, more agile. I had suddenly decided this wolf was female. I don’t know how I could tell but I felt it was right. She was a silver with pale spots all over her body and nearly white paws. I was suddenly smoking a cigarette, and the sun had set, and I was staring at the brightest clearest stars I had ever seen. My right hand had gone up to the wolf’s head and I was petting her slowly. I rubbed her ears and leaned over to kiss her head between them. The wolf looked at me with emotion I couldn’t identify. She had a wolfy smile and licked my cheek from chin to hairline. I scoffed and rubbed the slobber off of me, but I was laughing. This was the best dream I had had in awhile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, comments and feedback are appreciated. If you have an opinion or something let me know I want this to be readable. Also, is it too late to make Bella Jewish?


	4. Imprint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leah is in the after-math of her phasing and trying to deal with her new life.

Part IV: Leah

I stood in the woods behind trees, turned away from the beach. I had killed my father. I had caused my father’s death. Over what? Over nothing but a boy. A boy who I couldn’t remember actually loving right now. Why had I said what I said? Why had I exploded into a dog? Am I a monster? Why hadn’t I just sneaked into the house? I could have climbed in through my window, I could’ve minded the squeak of the door. I could have done so many fucking things differently. Every time I closed my eyes I could see Dad. His eyes wide and jaw slack. I can see him grabbing for his chest and sliding down the couch. Dad had so much fear in his eyes. _I_ had caused that fear. I had been the one to put my father in an early grave.

Dad was a good man, sure we had our differences recently, but I never wanted to hurt him. I never wanted to scare him. I had never seen Dad so scared. Dad had always been a strong, authoritative presence. He was a traditional, conservative man, afraid of change and dead set on protecting us. Maybe that was his intention, get me out of the way. Away from the dogs, the weird people dogs that apparently existed on the reservation, and now I was a part of? No matter what his intention was, he's no longer here to explain. 

Mom would be at the hospital now; she had probably been called at the diner. I’d taken away the most important person in Mom’s life. I could imagine her getting the phone call, answering in her normal cheerful tone she always did. “Diner, this is Sue speaking, how can I make your day great?” Just to hear that her husband is dead.

Dad probably didn’t have long left, the doctor in forks gave him maybe 2 years without a transplant. We would never be able to afford that, afford a transplant. 

The waves made loud roaring sounds as they smacked into the cliffs and the shore. It was dark now. How long had I been out here, lost in my thoughts? I looked around, I had been sitting against a tree trunk, my legs covered in dirt. Oh, yeah, I was naked. Why hadn’t I gone home already? Why was I still out here? I stood slowly, feeling fatigued and lost. I knew my way home from everywhere on the Rez, a byproduct from growing up in a community roughly 12 square miles. I started to step in the direction I knew my home to be, still lost in my thoughts. My feed moved of their own volition, desperate to get home. I zoned out again.

It’s cold outside, why wasn’t I cold? I remember how cold Bella was when I had pulled her from the water. Her skin was taking on a blue colour, and her lips were the shade of a dark blue lipstick. Before I could continue my thoughts of Bella, it had stopped raining. Huh. how long had I been sitting in the woods, allowing myself to be rained on? Maybe it was a good metaphor for my day. Maybe, I didn’t understand literature as well as I should, but the rain could be symbolism or something. Who knows? I had taken a life and saved one on the same day. The guilt I felt about Dad weighed heavy on my chest but Bella… Bella with her all-consuming eyes and beautiful brown hair… I had only seen her eyes for seconds, but I could think about them and all the emotion in them all day. I had only really caught her face alive with semi-consciousness for a second before she had… expelled the water from her lungs.

Why was she this important to me? Why was I so enamoured with her? This small, skinny, pale-faced girl. She was seemingly unremarkable, but now that I had her in my brain, I couldn’t get her out. I had known of Bella Swan nearly my entire life. Dad was friends with Chief Swan. I’d met her a time or two at cookouts and gatherings. She was 3 years younger than me though, so we never played together as children. I’d probably said less than 10 words to her in nearly 14 years or so, but for some reason she was now stuck in my head. She was endlessly fascinating. I hadn’t felt this strange pull to her when I was performing CPR. It was only when she had jolted back to life that I started to pay attention to her. I had been all consumed by this blue dying girl. Why? I hardly knew her; she wasn’t the only thing in my world. She was barely in my world. Maybe it was because I’d saved her Some kind of hero complex. Why was I thinking about her so much? Why couldn't I get her out of my mind? Every thought of her was bringing me joy I didn’t deserve. She wasn’t my friend, I’m almost sure that she was dating Jacob Black, I didn’t need to be around that. 

That thought though made me outwardly growl, why? A shot of rage shot down my spine and I shivered, not out of cold but out of anger. _‘Mine’_ a part of my mind demanded. I didn’t understand it and didn’t try to. I was too exhausted to think straight. It felt reflexive and subconscious. I couldn’t really understand what was going on. The more I thought of her, the more beautiful she got in my mind. I’m sure if I were an artist I’d have been able to paint a perfect portrait of her from memory based on an interaction that lasted less than a minute. 

Suddenly, I was at my house. Home. It was small like every other house on the reservation. One floor, three bedrooms, one bathroom, and outdated appliances. It had a dirt road that led to the drive. A small vinyl carport covered the back end of the driveway. Only dad’s pick up was there, like it had been this afternoon. All the lights were out, mom’s car was still absent. She’s at the hospital, I reminded myself. Just like that my thoughts drifted away from Bella and back to Dad. I crossed in front of Mom’s well-kept garden and walked to the back of the house. I saw the familiar charred barbeque and went to open the back door. The back door in question was hanging off the hinges and left the house open and vulnerable. I stepped into the house slowly and bracing myself for what I would see.

I saw two distinct sets of claw marks first. One from me, one from Seth. The old wooden floors were peeling up and splintering along the 6-inch marks on the floor. I could see where the stuffing was falling out of the couch on the left side where Dad had been sitting. The TV and small table it sat on were upturned and the TV shattered. Glass covered the wooden floor leading to the faded laminate flooring in the kitchen. The house was eerily quiet. Seth wasn’t home either. Maybe he was still a dog. I was standing alone in my house, inches from glass cutting my bare feet, naked.

I looked at the clock above the oven. It was 10:30. I had been gone for a while. I walked into our family’s shared bathroom. This would be my only opportunity to take a shower. I turned the water on and twisted the knob 3/4ths of the way, the way I had for years. Same temperature every time, one of the only reliable things in my life anymore. I waited for the water to heat up and turned to the mirror.

I looked at myself with strange bewilderment. I looked.. well, different. I had always been tall, even more so these past few months. I had shot up about 3 inches since September. But now, the top of my head surpassed the top of the mirror that sat over the sink, I had to be 6 feet or taller. My figure had changed too, I’d been full figured since I’d hit puberty, but a lot of my curves seemed to have shrunken down and become pure muscle. My calves, thighs, and ass were larger, firmer. My body was completely toned. I even had visible abs on my stomach. I was relieved to see my hair hadn’t changed. It fell a little higher on my back, probably because of the growth but it was still long and wavy, still framed my face nicely. Still reminded me I was me. 

I couldn’t look at myself anymore. I turned away from my reflection and stepped into the shower, the water should be hot by now. The water didn't feel hot. It wasn’t cold but it hadn’t burned my skin the way I was used to, the way I liked it to. But this felt like nothing. Huh? I turned the knob further, expecting it to be too hot like it always was before, but the water remained neutral. Billows of steam had started to come out of the water spray, but I felt unaffected still. I furrowed my brow and turned the knob all the way. Finally. The water was warm on my skin but didn’t exactly burn. I settled knowing this is the best I’d be able to do tonight. Steam filled the bathroom air so densely it was hard to see through.

I sunk down and sat against the wall, pulling my legs to my chest and sobbed. I let the events of the day truly wash over me in unfettered and extreme emotion. I hadn’t cried in months. I had killed my father over a boy I no longer cared about. That thought made me sob harder. I sat there crying alone and scared out of my mind. Crying over my father, crying over my self hatred, crying over Bella. Bella, beautiful, sweet, amazing, Bella. 

I’d sat in the shower crying for some time before I started to clean myself. When I felt too tired to continue, I sat up and turned the water off. I stepped out of the shower into the fog filled room. I grabbed for a towel only to notice my body was nearly dry already, like my body was evaporating the water. I dropped my arm and grumpily trudged to my room. 

I turned on the shitty electric fan I had in the left corner and opened the window to the back yard. I collapsed on my bed and pulled a blanket over my body wearily. And that was it, I was out cold.

I woke up to Seth standing at the foot of my twin bed. He was shirtless and wearing a pair of cutoffs. He looked so much like Sam and his lackeys it hurt. He grew too, Seth was 15 years old and easily 6’5 now. 

“Sam needs to see you.”

“Can’t it wait?”

“Probably not,” he shook his head. “You have to get caught up on some stuff.”

“Okay.” I sighed. “But get out first I have to put clothes on.” Seth nodded and left the room, remembering to close my door. He was a good kid. I looked over to my nightstand and peeked at my Tinkerbell alarm clock I had since the 3rd grade. It was nearing 6 am. I’d only been asleep for 6 hours. I looked back to the ceiling and sighed again. I moved to stand up while simultaneously reaching my arm over to the nightstand to find my carton of Camels. I pulled one into my mouth and stretched. I quickly lit my cigarette with a match and looked for clothes I could quickly pull on. 

I found a loose-fitting sundress that would cover enough of my body. I leaned my head slightly out the window to keep the smoke out of the house. Mom hated the smell. It felt so good to smoke. It must’ve been more than 12 hours since my last one. It felt like heaven, it eased my stress and gave me the energy to deal with these assholes. I put out my smoke and slipped on the sundress. When I started walking to the back door, I began to realise how hungry I was. I was hardly tired, but man I was hungry. I had crossed the living room to push open the back door. It had been replaced sometime last night. It was a brand-new door. It looked so strange against all the time- aged wood paneling on the outside of my house. It looked wrong. 

I walked outside to see 7 shirtless guys who all looked the same, save for Seth who still had shaggy hair and tattoo-free skin. I approached their weird semi-circle of masculinity and stared for a good minute. When it became obvious I had to start the conversation, I groaned and rubbed my eyes.

“Hi,” I said finally, feeling uncomfortable with so many people I did not like staring at me.

“Leah,” Sam began, taking in a deep breath, clearly about to launch into an over long story. “You and Seth are part of a grand tradition. A tradition of great honour, duty, and res-”

“Yeah okay,” I cut him off, he never made things easy. “Just cut to the chase Sam.” I meant to sound angry and mean, but my voice didn’t hold any of the venom I had hoped it would. 

“The legends of our people are true. You and Seth are shape shifters. You are the wolf warriors and the protectors of the Quileute Reservation. Although, until yesterday we didn’t know a female could become a wolf.”

“Sick. Okay, cool. I understand all of that, but what does that have to do with any of you?” I gestured to the semi-circle of wannabees crowding my backyard. 

“We’re a pack, all of us phased to work together to protect our lands as long as we need to.”

“Protect our lands from what?”

“Cold ones. They’re real and we think they are the reason we all became wolves. They activate the gene inside the descendants of Taha Aki.”

“Look,” I sighed. “Sam, I have no interest in running around with a bunch of mouth-breathing mongoloids, especially as a big dog. So sorry to turn down this amazing ‘honour’ but you can all fuck off.”

“Leah,” Seth started to say, “We don’t really have a choice. The reservation needs us, we wouldn't have changed if it didn’t.”

“This is bullshit!” I was screaming now but I didn’t care. “I don’t need another group of people telling me how to live my life, especially not you asshole!” I pointed directly at Sam. “Why should I have to set aside my life for anyone else?!” I was shaking again. I could feel the anger welling up inside of me. The boys were taking steps back, except Paul. He seemed to be grimacing and on the verge of growling at me. 

“Listen you ungrateful bitch. You have a duty to uphold. You think any of us fucking want you here? Think again. You’re a sour-faced cunt whose only personality trait is bagging on Sam.”

That's what did it. Paul acting like a superior dickhead pushed me to the brink. I couldn’t even muster another scream. I saw red and I exploded again. My thoughts were screaming though, yelling out every profanity I knew directed at anyone and everyone. My anger was made worse by seeing that sundress torn to shreds on the ground. It’d had flowers on it. Cute. In the distance of reality, I heard Sam demand everyone phase. The boys ran into the woods a few yards away from the backyard and a moment later they had all come back. As wolves. It was funny, I could tell exactly who everyone was in wolf form. It was easy to identify. Paul especially because of how fucking annoying he looked.

 _Watch it bitch._ I heard growling inside my head. I looked around in confusion. I had experienced the same sensation yesterday, but it was still all new. 

_We can all hear each other's thoughts! Isn’t that cool?_ Seth’s overly enthusiastic voice rang out. Of course, he’d be excited about something like this. 

_Like I said Leah, this isn’t something you can blow off, this is a sacred responsibility to your people._ Sam said. His mind-voice dripping with authority

 _It's bullshit! I shouldn’t have to be forced into any of this. I shouldn’t be trapped here, not with you, asshole._ I thought-screamed at Sam.

 _Look, I’m sorry Leah. I’m sorry for everything that happened between us. I promise I never wanted to hurt you and I will tell you everything later, but I am hungry, and I don’t want the neighbours to see a small pack of wolves in your backyard. Can you change back?_ I mentally nodded and sighed.

 _Fine, but I want answers._ In truth I did want answers but being around him hadn’t hurt as badly as I expected it to. I resented him but he wasn’t as awful as he had been yesterday for some reason.

I knew how to change back, I did it yesterday. I slowed my thinking and focused on my breaths. I thought calming thoughts, thought of my legs and my feet, thought of walking on two legs. Finally, I thought of Bella. Her face, her hair, her eyes, how I wish I knew her more. I was on two legs then. Very aware of the fact that I was naked in front of 7 men, one of which was my brother. I ran back into my house and pulled on another dress. I grabbed my pack of smokes and matches, this was going to be stressful. 

I made my way back outside; everyone was standing there now as humans. Jacob Black was giving me a funny look, but I shrugged it off.

“Where are we going?” I asked while placing a cigarette between my teeth?

Sam choked and in a low tone said, “My place.” 

“Oh.” It was strange, the house I had practically lived in was his place. Not our place. It was his place that he shared with my cousin. It didn’t hurt really; it was barely even a thing, but he flinched expecting backlash. It was bullshit, but I was unaffected. I rolled my eyes and followed behind the loud boys who had too much energy for so early in the morning. The 8 of us made our way up the dirt road, breaking into smaller groups. Jacob and Quil and Embry were rough housing and talking at length about cars or something, Seth was up ahead next to Sam asking so many questions my head spun, and Jared and Paul were walking shoulder to shoulder. I was towards the back of the pack. I was uninterested in any of them, so I smoked and recited the lyrics to Joan Jett’s “Crimson and Clover”.

I guess we had been walking fast because before I knew it we were on the front porch of Sam’s house. Everyone filed inside except for me and Sam. I could smell the food from here and it was mouth-watering. I guess I hadn’t known how hungry I really was. Sam smiled into his house and turned to face me with a more somber look on his face. He sat down in one of the few wooden lawn chairs he had on his porch and motioned for me to do the same. I complied.

“So,” I started, unsure of how to continue, “You owe me an explanation.”

“Yes.” He looked down and moved his hands finding the right words. He had probably had an entire speech planned for this. I wouldn’t have let him give me any bullshit though and he knew it. “Do you remember the story of the third wife?” he asked. I nodded; Uncle Billy had told that story every year. “Well, us modern.. wolves.. have a sort of equivalent. Taha Aki loved his third wife so completely he couldn’t live without her. It’s a thing called Imprinting.” He explained. “It happens the first time we make eye contact with the person you are meant to spend your life with. You look at her and suddenly gravity isn’t holding you to the planet, she is. Anything you had ever cared about gone in the blink of an eye. She’s the sun and you’re a blind man who can suddenly see.” He said with a smile.

“So… you imprinted on Emily?” I questioned. He nodded. 

“I tried to ignore it, tried to fight it, we were engaged, and I had loved you. I didn’t want to hurt you, neither did Emily. We both wanted to do right by you but fighting it wasn’t good for either of us. It hurt me so bad to reject the imprint and she was strangely drawn to me, couldn’t get me out of her head.” He explained. “She’s missed you; you know?” In truth I had missed Emily too. She was my confidant, my best friend. The betrayal had felt so serious, too much pain to stomach the idea of being around her. That's when Sam’s words had begun to sink in. Bella.

She was the only positive thing I could think about, she had been calming my dark places. She was the only thing holding me together when I wanted nothing more than to fall apart whether I knew it or not. I hardly knew her, but she had captivated hours of my thoughts. Fuck. I had imprinted on Bella Swan. I sat there dumbstruck when Sam nudged my arm. 

“Come on, food’ll get cold and you’ve got to get your tattoo.” I stood subconsciously and followed Sam into the living room where a man I knew from the council was set up with a tattoo needle and stool. I knew him but I couldn’t place his name. I sat down in the stool and my thoughts drifted to Bella once more, I had imprinted. It was the only explanation, what the fuck was I going to do? About halfway into the tattoo, Seth came and sat in the faded green-brown armchair to my left looking nervous. 

“Hey bud.” I said trying to act casual, Seth had always hated needles. “It doesn’t hurt at all.” I promised him. “Feels like pins and needles when your arm falls asleep.” He nodded satisfied at my comfort. He was much more relaxed when a serious look crossed his face. He leaned over and took my left hand. 

“Dad wasn’t your fault, you know?” he said. Rubbing my hand in both of his. That thought had been the major counterbalance to my new-found obsession with the Chief of Police’s daughter. I did my best to stay strong in that moment, braving my face and trying to keep the tears from slipping out. I would not cry here, not in this house, and not around these people. “He had a bad heart, Doctor Cullen only gave him 2 years at most, it's gonna be okay. He’d be so proud of you.” Seth was on the verge of tears now. I pulled him into a one-armed hug best I could given the man currently tattooing me. Seth always knew what to say, sibling intuition I guess.

The man finished my tattoo and picked up a pair of shears. 

“What are those for?” I asked, he looked back at me like I was an idiot.

“To cut your hair,” he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“No,” I said and stood up. I didn’t look back to him, I just strided out into the dining room where I knew everyone would be. 

They completely filled the table, the wolves, they sat around joking and play fighting. Many of them had empty plates in front of them and were waiting for seconds, maybe thirds. Emily rounded the corner from the kitchen with the biggest pile of pancakes I had ever seen. She placed them in the centre of the table smiling. She turned her head to me and in a defensive but friendly tone she said, “Hi Leah.” I looked at her and was immediately shocked. My intent was to roll my eyes and move on, continue being aggressive towards her, but I hadn’t seen Emily in months. My eyes, however, couldn’t meet hers, they went straight to the scars that had marred my pretty cousin’s face. I had heard a rumour around the Rez that she had been attacked by a bear, but these were clearly the claw marks of a wolf. They ran from her temple to her shoulder and I felt bad for looking.

“Hi Emily.” I murmured, trying to look down. She beamed at me and looked ready to dive into conversation when Sam appeared behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her head and then each scar on her face. This was my excuse to turn my head. Normally seeing something like this would make me furious but now it felt like a private moment I was intruding on. I sat down at the dining table I’d been at so many times before and dug into a few pancakes.

The boys were loud and having several conversations from inside jokes, to roasting each other, to sexual triumphs, to sad things. In my half listening state I had picked up: Paul getting kicked in the balls by a former hookup, apparently the reservation paid members of the pack a salary for their service (That was an important one I’d remember for later), Jared accidentally broadcasting his latest ‘sexcapade’ with his girlfriend/imprint, Kim; my father’s funeral was to be held in 3 days, and Jacob had gone to second base with Bella last night.

Wait. Jacob had touched Bella? _My Bella_?! He had no right. I was standing immediately, jostling the table as I stood. I was furious, how dare he touch her. I walked up to him at the other side of the table and hit him so hard I broke the legs of the chair he was sitting in. He hit the floor and looked up at me dumbfounded before standing swiftly and swinging back. He missed but by now we were both shaking so intensely.

“ **TAKE IT OUTSIDE BOTH OF YOU!** ” I hadn’t stopped shaking and neither had he as we quickly were compelled to go outside the second I was through the door, I had exploded into a wolf once again, and this time I meant to do harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quil doesn't imprint on a 2 year-old, that's creepy and gross. Don't know if I'll retcon that later and make him and Embry a couple, lemme know if you have an opinion.


	5. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob and Leah fight

I had exploded in a mess of silver fur, gnashing and growling. I turned around to face the door to face the dark brown wolf who’d touched the girl I had been clinging to so desperately in my mind. I was sure I looked like a dog thrown into a dog fight with the amount of anger and pure adrenaline racing through my body, huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf. 

_ How dare you touch her, how dare you think of her? SHE’S MINE!  _ I thought angrily as I charged at his neck. I bit into it and heard him yelp, it only egged me on as I began clawing down his back. 

_ What?!  _ He thought-shouted back at me, snapping his jaws back at me and pushing me off before jumping into a defensive stance.  _ What are you talking about?  _ He growled.

_ BELLA! You kissed her, she's mine!  _ I screamed as I charged him again, only this time he was ready. He blocked me and pushed me down onto the ground biting and scratching. The name and the fact that I had mentioned the situation made him unconsciously think of the memory. 

He’d laid out the entire scene to me. He was standing in front of a still wet Bella Swan in her tiny green kitchen. She was standing with her back to the island, Jacob was looming over her. He’d walked as far into her as he could and was holding her face in his hand, speaking at her. 

“If you didn’t love me you wouldn't have spent all that time with me. You wouldn’t have led me on. Leading a guy on is such a mean thing to do Bells. But you're not mean...You’re nice and pretty and I know you love me. Why can't you just see it, too?” He had his other hand on her waist and it was moving to her back end. She was pushing back on him as hard as she could. Then, he kissed her. She was squirming and trying to move away and that asshold kissed her!

_ YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! YOU BASTARD!  _ That’s when I was able to get the advantage on him, I flipped him and got leverage before managing to grab him by his scruff and throwing him into a tree. There was a loud satisfying crack. It was at this moment that I realised the rest of the pack had phased, Sam was standing menacingly over me. Paul and Jared flanked him. Quil, Embry, and Seth were surrounding Jacob, who couldn’t stand. I smiled internally.  _ That’s what you deserve, Fuckwit. _

**_What the fuck is going on?_ ** Sam asked in our mental link and for some reason before I could stop myself, I told him.

_ He kissed Bella Swan.  _

At the same time Jacob said,  _ Leah fucking jumped me because I kissed Bella. _ I growled at his tone and started to rush towards his limping figure only for Sam to pin me. 

**_What is so special about Jacob kissing the Swan girl?_ **

_ SHE’S MINE!  _ I thought of Bella, the moment I’d looked in her eyes the first time; The weightlessness I felt, how the pure happiness and relief of her presence had on me. Her hair, the sound of her voice from afar, how beautiful she was.

There was silence in the mind link for a few minutes. I was so enraptured in my own thoughts of Bella Swan, I’d hardly noticed the swarm of thoughts of Emily and Kim. Quil and Embry seemed to have flooded the pack mind too, with thoughts of each other. How had I never noticed their closeness before? They were similar to my thoughts of Bella, only positive memories. I could feel them projecting emotions through the pack’s mind link. They were the same feelings I’d been feeling, though they had a lot more memories and emotions than I did.

Sam was the first to think.  _ Lee Lee,  _ he thought softly and sympathetically,  _ I think you imprinted on Bella Swan. _

_ I think so too numb nuts! That’s why Jacob needs to get over here SO I CAN KILL HIM! _

_ Leah, calm down, he didn’t know. _ Sam tried to persuade me, reaching down with his snout to grab me by my scruff. 

_ But he kissed her while she was trying to get away!!  _ I protested and repeated the memory I’d seen from Jacob earlier for the whole pack to see.  _ He deserves this ass kicking! _

_ Look, I’ll straighten Jacob out, you need to go cool off. Phase back.  _ I grumbled in my brain about how this is all bullshit but I didn’t want to give Sam another opportunity to do the mind control thing. 

I huffed angrily,  _ I am not going to be naked in front of you. _

_ Okay fine go for a run. _

I grumbled again but this option was better than the last, so I took it. I ran into the woods along where there was other wolf scent, where they must do the perimeter run I heard so much about at breakfast. 

I hadn’t heard anything from the rest of the pack since I’d left Sam’s yard, they must’ve changed back, Jacob probably got off with a slap on the wrist, what an asshole. No, no, don’t think about him anymore, I’m supposed to calm down, he’ll be feeling that smack down for days. I ran at a consistent pace and felt the anger burning off, I didn’t want to think about anything but Bella. I started going over the lyrics to Crimson and Clover again, a song that has been on loop in my head since I’d seen Bella for the first time.

I don't hardly know her… But I think I could love her… Crimson and Clover.. 

Joan Jett was perfect for every occasion, I chuckled wolfishly to myself. My anger was still present but now I was much more calm and collected than I’d been before. I started to turn back around when I caught a nauseating scent. It was sickly sweet and smelled like death and rot at the same time. My instincts told me to howl, I stuck my head in the air and let one rip. 

I started to run after that scent, sprinting as fast as I could. Back up had popped into my head, asking where I was and which way I was running. I quickly telegraphed that information to the pack and within minutes I was flanked on all sides. Sam had taken point and was leading the pack to the source of the scent. He stopped a few feet further suddenly and we all had to slam on our metaphorical breaks to stop in time. 

_ It’s a Cullen  _ Sam hissed.

_ I thought they left  _ Embry said-thought.

_ They did,  _ Sam replied.

I peered around the pack to see a small vampire. She was sitting down nearly at the border of the reservation, legs crossed, eyes closed. I couldn’t get a great view from the way she was sitting, but she could not have been 5 feet tall, she had short black hair in a pixie cut. She opened her eyes and they were a striking colour of gold. The legends had always portrayed cold ones with red eyes. 

“I need to speak with one of you.” She said in a tone that was very high pitched. She didn’t look more than 15 years old.

Sam grunted in return.  _ I’ll talk to her but everyone be on guard.  _ He ran into the cover of trees and returned in a moment with a pair of cutoffs. 

“What do you want, Cullen?” Sam asked gruffly.

“It has come to my attention that there has been a certain red-headed vampire running around the woods of late, looking for a way to kill everyone who stands in her way of her revenge.”

“She’s been poking around the reservation, killing innocents.” He said angrily.

“That is my point,” she started, “I want to help catch her. She’s here for Bella Swan. She blames my brother for the death of her mate and wants to exact the same in revenge. She thinks Bella is my brother’s mate.”

I heard a loud growl coming from nearby and was shocked to realise it was myself after a few seconds. It must’ve been instinctual and I cut it off, still outraged but now only the pack would be hearing it. The vampire sniffed the air and looked directly at me with a strange expression on her face but carried on. 

“I’d like to be of service anyway I can, I’d rather not have my friend exposed to Victoria, or your people for that matter. It’s better for everyone if she is eliminated.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sam had softened a little, “You should stay on your side of the treaty line, keep an eye out for her, I trust you will watch out for the people on your side. The less death she causes the better.”

“I can do that.” She said calmly. She reached into the pocket of her expensive looking coat and pulled out a flip phone that had to be a decade old. “I’ll ring you if I see anything coming towards you.” She said and slowly approached the treaty line. She placed the phone on the ground. “Thank you,” she said with a smile. Then, she turned her back to a pack of wolves and walked off.

Sam stripped and phased back. I closed my eyes. I don’t ever need to see  _ that _ again. 

_ Thanks for the warning Leah,  _ he thought with sincerity. It made me feel happy, prideful. That’s kind of weird.  _ Paul, Jared you run a patrol now. Someone will relieve you in a few hours. _ They did a wolf nod and took off in two directions, following what I now knew to be the treaty line.  _ Anyone who wants to come back to my place is welcome to but you’re off duty until further notice. _

Most of us ran back with Sam to his house. Embry had to go back home, his mom would be home from work soon. Quil tailed him, holding his hand. When we approached the house, I saw a set of clothes that were pink and white laying out, I assumed for me. I was both appreciative and a little reluctant. Pink? I’m one of the guys. Upon closer inspection I noticed a carton of Marlboros and a lighter on top of the clothes and my heart melted. Emily had put out cigarettes for me. The expensive ones. I grabbed them in my wolf teeth to phase and change into.

After I had changed into what had to be Emily’s night shirt and a pair of very large sweatpants, I lit up and walked into the house. Jacob sat there on the couch with an icepack on his head and ice all down his back. I smiled smugly at him and drank in the state of his misery. He’d clearly healed a lot but it was very gratifying to see he was still injured. 

“Hey Leah,” he looked up at me, “I’m sorry and I’ll apologise to Bella too.” He looked scared, he ought to be. 

“Yeah, you will. You will treat her with some fucking respect and you will move on. She is mine!” I paused my rant and took a long pull. “Don’t think about her anymore, don’t touch her anymore, none of it.” I took another puff and blew it in his face. “If you agree to those terms and conditions then I can forgive you, if she does.” I moved to sit in the loveseat adjacent to him as I watched him open and close his mouth like a bass, thinking of the right thing to say.

“Okay.” Was all he managed while not so subtly scooting away from me further into the couch. I smiled again, he’ll remember this ass beating for a while. 

“One more thing Jacob.”

“Yeah?” 

“Tell me about her?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave me a comment of ideas you like.  
> Also one person told me to do quilxembry cause its cute and takes nothing away from the story and also doesn't really make any impact so I fucking did it.


	6. Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Underacloud for being incredible and reading all of this nonsense and helping it to become understandable. Lot of stuff happening here, Bella is vibing post almost suicide attempt, Jacob is back in the picture - blegh- They're gonna meet now, and it'll be awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Привет, как дела? Неплоха? Очень Хорошо! Наслаждаться, может быть. Thanks.

Part VI: Bella

In an unsurprising turn of events, the day after I had hurled myself off of a cliff into water that was below freezing, I caught a cold. While not shocking or particularly strange, it was still very annoying. My throat still hurt from the previous day’s inhalation of water, but I had to have caught a small fever and my nose was running faster than I could grab tissues. Luckily for me though, Alice stuck to her promise and hung around. 

Alice had been popping in and out of my window and made a conscious effort to keep me in bed. She’d made a big nest of pillows and blankets. She’d brought Tylenol and soup and some sort of fancy tea. Where she was getting all the equipment to keep me healthy-ish and in bed, I didn’t know. She had said she’d be looking for more permanent lodgings but for all I knew, she was roughing it at the only hotel in town. 

Charlie was home too but he was not in good spirits, I couldn’t blame him though. One of his best friends, a man he’s known nearly his whole life, was dead. I still hadn’t learned the details but from what I could gather, from Charlie’s phone calls, Harry had had a heart attack. It was a relief to know that this was a death I wasn’t responsible for, as morbid as that may be. 

Charlie hadn’t really been around me, I think he knew I was sick because when dinner time came around, I was not up to cooking and Alice was not meant to be in Forks, so we clambered into the cruiser, well, _ I  _ clambered into the cruiser, and trekked down to the Diner. 

I had never seen Charlie so depressed eating a burger. We didn’t talk much. He asked for the ketchup once, which I passed over quickly. We ate in fairly comfortable and companionable silence. I liked that about Charlie, we didn’t have to talk. We were alike in so many respects, but the awkwardness I had exuded my whole life definitely came from him. Charlie was a charismatic guy, to be sure, but around most strangers, he was not the charming hamlet Chief of Police, instead a man who had trouble searching for words.

I felt better just sitting there with him. We ended up splitting a piece of berry cobbler at the end of the meal. My bad mood had improved, and it looked like his had a little too. When our waitress, the only waitress really, Trish walked over to hand Charlie the check, he had casually flirted and bantered with her like he normally would. We enjoyed pleasant peace and contentment in the next few hours. When we got home, Charlie made us both cups of hot chocolate and he turned on the TV. We sat in silence once more and watched the Seahawks play poorly for the next few hours before I was falling asleep on the couch. Charlie nudged me awake towards the end of the third quarter, the Seahawks were only down by three. Charlie had said they were a second-half team before, I was sure they’d win and maybe improve his mood further. 

I stood up and stretched before wishing him goodnight and trudging upstairs to take a hot, humid shower before going to bed, anything to help the soreness of my throat. I had almost forgotten how much it hurt. I got to my bedroom and looked around to see if Alice was there. She wasn’t but that was okay, I wanted to take my time in the shower tonight. 

I turned the shower all the way up and sat on the edge of the shower tub combo. When it started to heat up, I sat down and breathed in the hot, humid air. I sighed and thought back to the previous day, how could I have actually jumped off the cliff? It seemed so far in the past and so far removed from reality, I couldn’t believe it had been real. I had almost died, and for what? To hear the voice of a moody vampire who left me. This was not the first time in the past day my thoughts of  _ Hi _ \- Edward had been less than perfect. It was strange, the more I thought of him, the less I thought of him, in terms of character. He had left me, he didn’t want me, sure he may have cared to check up on me, but that wasn’t for my sake. Why should I keep waiting for Edward to come back? I knew it wasn't going to happen.

I realised I needed to move on. It was becoming clearer to me now. I knew I didn’t need him anymore, but somehow, I still felt empty. I was still sad, but it wasn’t a feeling of longing for Edward like it had been for the past four months. It was just a sense of incompleteness. Like, I was half of myself. When I heard knocking on the bathroom door, I snapped back to reality. I was pruney and very warm. 

“Can I come in, Bella? Need to brush my teeth.”

“Yeah, hang on,” I called back, I turned the water off and reached for my towel, almost slipping. I towelled myself off and pulled on the fluffy pink robe Rosalie had reluctantly gotten me for my 18th birthday, one of the only things Edward had left behind. 

‘Night Dad,” I said nasally as I walked out the bathroom. I walked to the end of the hall and turned into my bedroom, not scanning around this time. I closed the door and went to remove my robe and grab some pyjamas. A throat cleared. 

I jumped and froze, caught completely off guard. I looked over my shoulder to see Jacob Black, shirtless and with his shoulders slumped. I clutched my robe tight and walked back towards the door. 

“Bella, wait.” He said in a sombre tone, he looked back where my window was cracked open then faced me again. “I’m here to apologise,” he swallowed thickly. “For a few things.”

“Okay,” I said cautiously but I stopped my backwards march to the door.

“Firstly, I’m sorry I kissed you,” he paused and turned his face slightly towards the window, almost as if he was listening to something coming from outside, “Twice.” He sighed but readied himself, “It wasn’t cool of me and you said no, I shouldn’t have kept pushing that was really wrong of me. Secondly, I’m sorry for saying that I saved you yesterday. I didn’t, you were already on the beach coming to when I got there.”

“Then, who…?”

“I can’t say, not yet. It’ll all work out soon enough.”

“It’s really not fair of you to keep me in the dark like this.” I whisper-yelled at him.

“You’re right it's not, I’m sorry Bella, but really you have to believe me, it's not my place to say anything to you.”

“Fine,” I sighed not wanting to prolong the time I was told nothing. “Thank you for coming to apologise, I appreciate it. But next time you do something like that, I swear to god Jacob, I will find a way to castrate you.” I looked at him as I threatened him, he shook in fear, briefly, but I saw it. I heard a short crackle from outside, probably one of Jake’s wolf buddies on a patrol. 

“For what it’s worth Bella, I really am sorry, I didn’t mean to push you into anything, and I didn't mean to come on so strong. I just want to go back to being friends.”

“Really? Yesterday you’re telling me how in love with me you are and today you want to be friends again?”

“Yeah,” he looked down and shuffled his feet, “I understand how much of a dick I was; I realise now, I’d rather have no shot of getting you and having you in my life than losing you because I’m a dick.” He stiffened, his head still tilted to the window, “And a dumbass,” he amended.

“Well, that’s pretty big of you Jake.” He smiled like he had just won the lottery, “I guess, we can be friends again, but I mean it. Don’t you ever touch me like that again!” I whisper screamed back at him. He was still smiling and walked forward to me with his arms outstretched, he wanted a hug. I put my hand up with the universal sign for stop, “I’m not there yet Jake.” His smile dimmed but he stopped cold and nodded. 

“Look, I know it's going to take a while to rebuild the trust, my dad is going to invite you and Charlie over for dinner Saturday. I hope I see you there.” He smiled one last time and waved before opening the window and jumping out. I sighed and walked over to the window and looked down at the two wolves just below. I waved back, a smile tugging at my cheeks. I closed the window and slipped on my PJs. By now I was absolutely exhausted and could think of nothing better than sleeping for years.

\---------------------------------------

I had woken up after a night of sleepless rest. I looked around and wiped the sleep from my eyes. My alarm clock blinked 2:00 pm. I sighed and sat up; I’ve almost never slept after noon. I must’ve been completely wiped out. On my nightstand, there were two lozenges and a glass of water. Alice, I thought thankfully and smiled. My throat still hurt, but I could breathe without the pain of a throat rubbed raw. My body felt less achy and my fatigue was nearly gone. Maybe all that sleep had done me well. I popped one of the lozenges into my mouth and laid back down into the bundle of blankets that surrounded my body. I blindly reached around to find my phone on the nightstand and removed it from the charger. I put my fingerprint in it and opened messages.

**To Alice:** **_Thanks for the cough drops._ **

I relaxed into my sheets, content to stay in my bed as long as possible, I didn’t need to be productive today. My phone buzzed and I looked back down.  _ Message from Alice _ my phone proclaimed, and I opened the text.

**To Bella:** **_It is the least I could do for you, Bella. I’ve missed you._ **

**To Alice:** **_I missed you too. So much!_ **

**To Bella:** **_I promise you, I didn’t want to leave. Edward insisted it would keep you safer._ **

**To Alice:** **_I know, what matters is you’re here now._ **

“I don’t want to leave you again Bella.” I looked up and Alice was at the foot of my bed and slipping her phone into her back pocket. “I thought it was moronic when Edward made everyone leave! I didn’t want to, Emmett wanted to stay, Carlisle loved working here, Esme had just gotten the house up to her standards.” She jumped on my bed and pulled me into her arms. “You are a part of our family whether or not you realise it, you’re my sister, you’re my best friend. I don’t care that I can’t see your future, I know we’re going to be friends forever. I love you so much, Bella. No matter what has happened and whatever may happen we all love you.” 

I was so out of sync with vampires I was shocked she was holding me so quickly, more shocked how I was completely oblivious to her presence in my room until she was at the foot of my bed. Most of all I was surprised that I had started crying. She loved me, she wanted me in her life, she came back for me even if it was for my funeral. She was staying for me. Before I knew it, I was sobbing and gripping her back just as hard. 

We stayed there locked in our embrace for what must’ve been hours because I heard Charlie get home from work. It had to have been close to 6 pm. I looked over to my alarm clock, 6:15. Alice and I had been locked in an embrace and I’d been crying, and she’d been petting my hair and whispering to me for nearly four hours. Our conversation had been limited and I felt like I couldn’t account for most of that time, but I felt better. It felt like I had cried more today than in all those months after Edward left but it felt so enlightening and well, good to cry. It had been a good day despite the run of emotions I’d experienced. 

I slowly got up and went downstairs to greet my dad and make dinner. I turned back to Alice, “Will you stay tonight?” 

“Yes, but I’ll be back later, I’m going to go back to my place in Hoquiam. I need to keep looking into Victoria. Text me when you go to bed and I’ll be back.” With that, she was up and out the window in a flash. It took me a moment to realise I was nodding at nothing like an idiot before I padded downstairs.

“How was your day?” I asked Charlie when I reached the bottom of the stairs. 

“Fine, ‘lotta people going missing in Seattle. I got a call from the sheriff in Olympia, the state is calling up most of the force on the coast, might have to go up to Seattle next weekend.” I fetched him a beer and walked into the living room where he had just sat down. “Thanks, kid, you gonna be okay if you’re by yourself for a few days?”

“Yeah Dad, I’ll be good.”

“Oh! Before I forget, Billy invited us over to his house for dinner and the game on Sunday.”

“Yeah, I think Jake told me something about that.” I sat down next to him, “What do you want for dinner?”

“Mm, fried chicken?”

“Okay.” I stood up and made my way to the kitchen. Charlie turned on the tv and flipped to Big Bang Theory reruns. I went to work on dinner. I poked around in the fridge until I found all the ingredients. I grabbed a pan and heated it up. I rolled the chicken in the flour, egg, and seasonings. The crackling and sizzling of fried chicken was such a nostalgic, perfect sound. 

When food was ready, I called Charlie to the table. I set up two plates on the round table he’d had since I was a baby and put a bowl of mixed greens between the plates, we did need some nutrition. We sat in companionable silence again, enjoying each other’s presence without saying anything. We had gotten about halfway through the meal just listening to the distant sound of Sheldon Cooper explaining physics that was well beyond our own understanding when Charlie spoke up.

“Funeral is at 1 tomorrow; the wake is at 5.”

“Okay, when do you want to leave?” I asked while plating myself more greens.

“We should leave about 11 I think, Sue might need help.” I nodded and went back to silence, so did he. 

After dinner, I cleaned the table and stayed up for a few more episodes before marching back upstairs. I sent Alice a quick text telling her I was going to bed and changed into my pyjamas. I’d done nothing all day and yet I was still tired, probably this damn cold. My phone buzzed. I looked down. 

**To Bella:** **_I’ll be there in 15 minutes, don’t try to stay up._ **

I yawned and snuggled into my blankets and let sleep take me.

\---------------------------------------

I woke up to my alarm going off at 9:30, I didn’t remember setting it but then I remembered Alice would have been on her way over last night. I leaned up and stretched, scoping out the room. Sure enough, Alice was standing in my closet picking out different sets of clothing. 

She looked at me exasperated, “Why don’t you own any somewhat affable clothing?” 

“What’s wrong with the clothes I own?” I asked as I moved to stand up from bed only to trip on my first step and steady myself against the bed. 

“Nothing per se, but everything you own is so basic and boring.”

“It’s a funeral Alice, I shouldn’t be standing out.” I sighed and trekked my way to the closet to stand nearby enough that Alice couldn’t create something heinous.

“Well, you’re right and I don’t have a good comeback, so you’ll just be trying on the outfits I’ve already selected.” I sighed and let it happen. I loved Alice but it was hard to deal with the makeover montages. She was always encouraging me to look my best every day. I disagreed, sneakers, jeans, and a hoodie were all I needed. In fact, I had black converse, black jeans, and a slim black zip-up I could’ve worn! Unfortunately, Alice had dug into the very depths of my limited closet and pulled out what few dresses and formal blouses I owned. 

“Here!” She shoved one outfit at me and demanded I try it on. It was a black blouse with sleeves that furled out at the wrists and straight black slacks. I can’t imagine when I bought anything like this. I got the sneaking suspicion that Alice may have done some shopping either before she left or in the few days she’s been back. I begrudgingly tried on the ensemble she threw at me. I faced her feeling like an idiot. 

“No.” She shook her head and dove back into the closet to pull out a different blouse. This one frilly and lacy but a darker black. “Put this on but leave those pants on, they make your butt look good.” I stared at her appalled. 

“Alice, it’s a funeral.”

“I can’t see your future but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a feeling about wolf smell number two.” She giggled at her own private joke. “Now try it on.”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“What’s new?” She said flippantly and once again gestures to the blouse that was closer to a camisole upon further inspection. I huffed and slipped it on. It wasn’t awful. 

“That’s cute, but you need something to cover up with, it’s cold.” She said casually. I peered at myself in the mirror on my dresser adjacent to where my closet was located. It was the nicest I had looked in a long time. 

“Are you sure this isn’t way too much for a funeral? A man died, Alice.”

“I’m positive, all of the attention will be on Harry, well mostly. You should always look nice!” She answered cheerfully. “Great now put on this cardigan and then we’re set for clothes, I can’t believe you actually owned this top.” I looked at her shocked. I owned something this nice? I mean it’s not out of the realm of possibility, Mom was always trying to make me a little girlier, this might have been her best attempt ever. I looked like a woman, not a depressed sweatshirt.

“I’m wearing sneakers with this.” I managed before any of her nonsense about wearing heels could emerge. She sighed but shrugged. 

“Pick your battles.” She said before ushering me into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and combed my hair getting lost in the idle prattle that was Alice, I had missed her so much. She was just as much a mini-tornado as she was months earlier making sure everything was just so. She insisted on makeup despite how I protested. I kept reminding her I was going to a funeral and she would back down little by little until we came to a compromise. I had mascara on, and my lips were tinted red ever so slightly by some lip gloss or something Alice had pulled out of nowhere. 

It was nearing 10:45 when I heard Charlie start the coffee pot. I gave Alice a hug goodbye and headed downstairs in time for the pot to be done. I grabbed my black converse and laced them up before moseying to the kitchen to snag myself a cup of coffee. 

“You look nice,” Charlie said, looking impressed. 

“Not so bad yourself,” I responded. Charlie was wearing a black blazer with black slacks and a white button-up with a black tie. It was the most dressed up I had ever seen him. The tone shifted from whimsy to solemn quickly as it hit us both that we were dressed up for the funeral. I was going to support Charlie; he needed all the emotional back up he could get regardless if he wanted it or not. 

Death scared me; it had been one of the things I’d been dreading since I could comprehend it. Dead people and funerals made me uncomfortable. It was in spite of this I seemed to have put myself in multiple death scenarios. Even more so, surrounding myself with non-living beings. We finished our coffee in silence, though there was unspoken tension from both sides, my trepidation for a funeral, which must have the word ‘fun’ in it ironically. From Charlie’s side, his friend’s death made a permanent fixture in his mind. It was one thing not to hear from a buddy for a few days, it was another to put that buddy in the ground forever.

We finished our coffees and set our mugs in the sink before making our way out to the cruiser. I tripped on the walk to the driveway and Charlie managed to catch me before I could bash my head in. Damn December, damn ice. I made the rest of the walk to the car much easier given Charlie was helping me to the passenger side door. He climbed into the driver’s seat and we set off to the reservation cemetery. The radio was playing some song from the ’80s, maybe 70’s. It was a rock song that was low in volume but kept repeating the phrase “eight days a week”.

When we had arrived, Charlie’s countenance had changed from sorrowful to strong, he was putting on this facade, probably for Sue, Harry’s wife...widow. Charlie got out of the car and gave me space, he walked over to where a woman, who I assumed was Sue, was standing isolated. She was in a long loose black dress and had her long black hair braided in an intricate fashion. I saw the slump of her shoulders ease slightly when Charlie appeared beside her. They hugged for a long moment. 

From inside the social safety of the cruiser, I scoped out the venue. It had several benches that gave way to an aisle in the centre. A picture of Harry sat at the front of the aisle, it was surrounded by red and blue flowers in a wreath. Next to the picture was a podium, with wheelchair accessibility, I noticed. Behind the podium, a little to the left was the casket. Black and adorned with tied leather strings and feathers. Its top half was opened. There were several people already in attendance though the ceremony didn’t start for half an hour. All the men were dressed in black suits with fringe and feathers, all the females were dressed in black dresses, their hair either flying loose in the wind or braided like Sue, they all had feathers in their hair. A painted canoe sat just behind the coffin. I noticed quickly that most people in attendance were members of the tribe council, I’d met all of them when I was much smaller. I inhaled deeply and moved to get out of the car. 

I stepped to where my father was with Sue. “I’m so sorry for your loss,” I told her and I shook her hand.

She pulled me into a hug and said, “Thank you for coming.” I nodded and went to sit down in the middle of the benches, somewhere I wouldn’t be noticed. Charlie chatted it up with some of the other people in attendance. It was nearing the time of the start of the service when Charlie moved to sit down, he caught me in the middle of the collection of benches staring off into space. He shook his head and pulled me up and we sat second from the front, right behind Sue and Billy. A man who I’d assume was a member of the council stood at the podium and waited in silence as everyone took their seats.

At the last second Jacob and a group of other boys, I recognised Sam and Paul, ran into the cemetery, one taking a seat next to Sue. He must’ve been her son. They were all dressed in black shorts and tight-fitting black t-shirts and tank tops. Most of them sat in our row, second from the front. Jacob sat next to Billy. Then a girl came out, she was tall and wearing a tight long-sleeved black dress. Her hair was french braided with feathers. I couldn’t really see her face from my position, but she was what I had become focused on. She sat in the row in front of us, next to the boy and Sue, though she sat further away than the boy had, flanking him on the left and a good foot and a half away from him. 

For reasons unknown, I became transfixed on this girl- woman really. The funeral happened around me, the man on the counsel spoke, Sue and Billy followed suit. The boy who sat next to Sue got up to speak too, I saw the woman go stiff when he passed by, touching her shoulder. She remained stiff and rigid until the boy had finished his eulogy. The boy was Harry’s son, I’d learned although I really wasn’t paying a lot of attention. Charlie eventually stood to give his speech, he nudged my shoulder and my attention snapped away from the woman. I nodded at him and smiled lightly, hoping he wouldn’t need any further encouragement. He rose to the podium and as much as I tried to focus on my own father’s speech, I was transfixed by this long-haired Quileute woman in front of me.

I’d heard the beginning of the speech, it started the same as all the others had, “Harry Clearwater was a good man,” it had some anecdote, “There was this one time we were fishing,” and it ended in sentiment towards the widow, “Sue we’ll always be here for you and we’ll always honour Harry’s memory.” I wanted to be supportive, but the same speech had been regurgitated three or four times at this point. 

Finally, the beautiful woman rose. She walked slowly and surely to the podium; this is the first time I’d seen her face. That was a shame, she was absolutely beautiful, with striking, black almond eyes. Her hair perfectly framed her face, she was like an angel. Or a model, someone this attractive could not be real, here, now. She was looking down at a small, wrinkled piece of paper in her hands. She kept her gaze focused downwards almost as if she was afraid to look up. She was stiff and looked scared.

“Harry Clearwater was my father,” she began. “He was a good Dad, he always took us to the beach on sunny days, he taught us how to ride bikes, he taught us how to throw a football. Dad was a funny guy, always one to crack jokes at the diner, on the lake, even at council meetings. He always did his best to protect his family, from dangers we didn’t know of. Dad was a good guy. Towards the end of his life,” she paused and choked back a sob. “Dad and I didn’t always get along. I can’t help but feel responsible for his weak heart, I was always a lot to handle. Dad only wanted what was best for me, for everyone. He believed in everyone and always took pride in the reservation. We’ll miss you Dad.” She finished and stepped down. She didn’t sit back down, she jogged back towards where the parking lot was, her brother started to follow too. I watched her the whole way. 

There was a moment, maybe just in my imagination, when we locked eyes and I could swear all of the problems of the world faded away, her eyes had been so full of sadness but unconditional love and understanding. Her voice was somewhere between melodic and silvery. It was deep but had musical tones and was heavenly to my ears. My automatic reflex had been to compare it to Edward’s, though the harder I thought about it, the less I could hear his voice and only hers. She hadn’t said her name, but I felt like I had known her all my life. 

I was stuck staring at the spot she had vanished from when a hand touched my shoulder. I whipped my head around to find Jacob. He was standing bent over to reach my shoulder with a sad smile on his face. I looked around and realised everyone else was standing and passing by Sue to give their condolences. Charlie was standing near Sue, not quite in line just like Billy. Jacob offered an outstretched hand, and I took it. I stood up and faced him.

“Should I go offer my condolences?” I asked, quizzically.

“Did you even know Harry?” He responded.

“Not really, but he was one of Charlie’s best friends.” I shrugged, hoping he’d have advice.

“No harm in saying sorry for her loss.” I walked up to the line, Jacob not far behind and waited my turn. When I had gotten in front of Sue, I offered my hand to her, then I remembered she was a hugger. I dropped my hand and held my arms out, waiting for permission. She was the one who had stepped into my arms. She held me tight as if she knew me. 

“I’m so sorry,” I said awkwardly in the hug, I didn’t want to offer my undying support and any services, I hardly knew the woman. She seemed fine with it and hummed. After about a minute we broke apart.

“Thank you so much dear, for all that you have done.” She said to me sweetly with a smile on her face. 

I was very confused but then Jake dragged me away and hollered over his shoulder at Billy, “We’re gonna go help set up for the wake!” Billy nodded and nudged Charlie, who waved bye somewhat enthusiastically, given the circumstances. 

“Why are we helping set up for the wake?” I asked when we were far enough from the cemetery that my question wouldn’t matter.

“Because the sun is going down, cemeteries make you uncomfortable, and there is food at Sue’s house.” He explained obviously. 

“Okay, you know one thing about me, you’re not off the hook.” I groaned and followed behind him to his Rabbit.

He chuckled and held open the passenger side door. I stuck my tongue out at him but got in, excited to escape the sense of dread and misery that cloaked the cemetery.

We maintained casual conversation in the five-minute drive to Sue’s house, never probing deep into actual topics. He was walking on eggshells around me, as much as I hated it, I knew he hated it more. When we pulled into the drive there were a few other cars and trucks that scattered the front lawn. The wake was already happening it seemed. There was a buffet table set up, a bonfire, picnic tables and a big photo of Harry. I got the sense that this event would be nothing like the ceremony we were just at. Everyone was in better spirits, smiling, laughing, enjoying each other's company.

Suddenly I felt very overdressed. The suits and dresses were gone, most people were in street attire, even some of the boys, the pack, who had been at the ceremony prior had lost their shirts. I pulled my sleeves into my palms and started to fidget.

“Stop that, you look fine.” Jacob nudged me before dragging me to the centre of the party. I was looking around trying to get a sense of locations and people. Well, I was looking for  _ Her _ , the beautiful woman who had spoken at the funeral. I saw her brother with members of the pack and assumed he must be one of them, he looked young, but he was tall and built just like Jake. I followed Jake to the pack. They all had plates piled high with every food I could imagine, and they were circled around a bonfire on logs. 

“Bella, you remember Sam.” I nodded and waved an awkward hello to Sam. Jacob continued naming members of the pack one by one, it was almost funny how socially inept I was. I remembered most of them, Seth was new, he was the beautiful woman’s brother. Jacob dragged me back over to the buffet table and started talking excitedly about Billy repeating the legends tonight, or at least Harry’s favourites. He was loading up a plate when I saw her again. 

She was walking towards the pack, still dressed in the black dress. She was taller than I thought she’d be, at least a head and a half taller than every other woman in the yard. She walked with confidence, though it seemed unsure. Her legs were long and toned, as I imagined the rest of her might be. She said something in greeting to her brother and changed course directly for the table where I was currently standing. I looked around for Jacob to see if he was still around. I could use him as an escape. Jacob, that little jerk, had left me behind and was now sitting back with the pack.

I was left standing with an empty plate and blocking half of the table. She had finally reached the table and looked to her right to see what was blocking the rest of the table from her line of vision. No surprise, it was me. We locked eyes and I swear nothing would ever be as important to be as seeing how deep those black eyes went. I had begun to notice dark brown tinges towards the iris and was memorising the emotion in her eye when I noticed I was still standing motionless, blocking her way to the table.

“Oh, sorry. Let me get out of your way.” I said, stumbling over both my words and my own feet as I hurried away from the table.

“No,” It was faint, but I was sure she said no. I looked back to where I was standing to see her unmoving. I blushed and went to apologise again but thought better of it.

“I’m Bella Swan.” I said in a way that seemed prideful, “It’s really nice to meet you.” I stretched my hand out waiting for a response. She gaped at me. I dropped my hand, maybe she was a hugger, like her mother. “Sorry,” I laughed, “I’m used to the handshakes.” I walked towards her a little with my arms outstretched. She wordlessly walked into my arms. She hugged me back, tightly. She had a near vice grip on my body which suddenly seemed small and fragile for the first time since the cliff diving incident. I surrendered to the hug and leaned in thinking she just needed comfort. I breathed in and caught her smell. She smelled like rain and pine. I smiled happily and went to release. She didn’t let go at first but eventually dropped her arms. 

She was smiling now, a strange, excited smile. She quirked an eyebrow, “So, uh, do you, um, come her- know Jacob?” She was giving off a lot of nervous energy, but I decided to roll with it. 

“Yeah, I’ve known Jacob for years. I still don’t know you though.” I have no idea where the confidence was coming from, but I was really thriving in this conversation.

“Oh,” she dropped her eyes to the ground nervously, “Leah Clearwater, I think we’ve run into each other before.”

“I’m sure, our dads were friends, I’ve been down here a few times.” I regretted bringing up our dads as soon as I said it, but she didn’t seem to have been phased. 

“That is cool, do you maybe wanna eat with me and my friends? Jacob is over there too.” She gestured to where the pack was sitting, I wonder if she knew. 

“Sure,” I said way too cheerfully. I grabbed my plate and started to walk over when I felt her poke my arm. 

“Aren’t you gonna get some food first.” I looked down at my empty plate and blushed bright red. She smiled at me and handed me her plate, which had a lot of food on it. Where did she put it? 

I blushed again and managed to squeak out, “Thank you.”

She smiled the widest smile I had seen yet, “You’re welcome, ba-” she cleared her throat, “You’re welcome.” I moved aside so she could fill up my plate, which was now her plate with food from both sides of the buffet table. She grinned and took my arm in one hand and dragged us over to the bonfire where the pack was sitting with a few of their imprints that I recognised. It was hard because the sun had come down, but I recognised Emily for sure. They all waved hello to me and we sat down.

Jacob was telling some story about an engine or something. I was busy picking at my plate and watching the angelic being to my left eat and laugh at Jacob’s nonsense. I was so transfixed by her I didn’t notice every wolf, imprint, and counsel member staring at me and Leah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for any cultural stuff, I did as much research as I could without spending money, Quileute funerals are a hugely sacred thing so I'm sorry if I'm a dumbass. Lemme know what's wrong with the story so I can fix it, finally getting minor interactions which is dope but also I'm real bad at writing dialogue so..


	7. Mind Over Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter but in Leah's perspective and with pack content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry only one chapter this week I got caught up in one person's 45 Winteriron works and missed so many school deadlines so, that's my apology but its not like y'all were waiting so :P

Part VII: Leah

I hadn’t talked to Mom in days. Every time she was home and awake, I jumped out my window. I would run a patrol or stay at Sam’s. One night I tailed Jacob and waited outside while he apologised to Bella. It was the first time I’d heard her voice in person, kinda . I’d been growling at first, quietly, Jacob was such a dick. Then she threatened to castrate him, and I fell even more in love with her. The only time I was ever home anymore was when Mom was asleep. I felt bad for avoiding her, but I couldn’t face her, not yet. Seth had relayed sentiments and memories to me. She missed me. I missed her. 

“Leah.” I was jerked out of my thoughts. I’d been sitting on Emily’s couch playing with a lighter haphazardly. There was some shitty TV movie on, something Christmas something. I looked to my left and there was Emily, handing me a cookie. 

“Thank you!” I said giddily. I really missed Emily’s cooking. My attention wandered back to the TV, the female lead was learning that Christmas was important, and she was loved even if she was a bitch with a shitty personality. Boring. I was still really getting to know my packmates, it turns out that Embry adored cheesy Lifetime Christmas movies. Quil had threatened everyone with certain death so we were all forced to watch Lifetime for the past several hours. A bunch of us were hanging at Sam’s, Sam himself, Jacob, and Quil were on patrol. Seth, Paul, and I were really just waiting to switch out. 

It was nice to just relax even if every time my thoughts drifted, I found myself worrying about the future. Dad’s funeral was tomorrow, I would have to give a eulogy, I’d have to see Mom again. There was so much to stress over. I pulled a carton of cigarettes out of my back pocket and removed one. I lit up quickly and took a long puff. Paul made a face.

“How the hell do you smoke those things?”

“How the hell are you so ugly?” I responded in kind. He looked frustrated, but I was having fun egging him on. I blew smoke in his direction; he was sitting on the floor with a plate of cookies piled high. 

“Hey, no! Don’t blow your death smell on my cookies!” He started fanning the air around him to push the smoke away from it. “Smoking isn’t cool you know?”

“Smoking is so cool. You should try it. Maybe you could get laid once in a while if you did.” I took another long pull and relaxed more and more. I pulled it away from my lips and offered it to him. 

“No thanks, I’d rather not smell like tobacco.”

I shrugged, “Your loss.” I stole one of his cookies and he slapped my arm. “Hey! That hurt.” I groaned. “Emily! Paul hit me.”

“Suck it up!” was shouted back at me from the kitchen. Paul laughed loudly and I stood up to punch him.

“Could you two cool it for the love of god?! Angela is about to accept her family’s Christmas traditions and realise she never needed the catalogue Christmas!” Embry shouted from his position on the couch. I snorted. Paul followed suit and we were laughing at the ridiculousness of the movie and how wrapped up in it Embry was. 

Seth appeared next to me on the couch, “Yeah guys, Angela is out of the snow globe and she’s gonna hook up with the maintenance guy.” He reached out for my cigarette. He had pulled it between his fingers and was taking a puff before I had noticed. My eyes widened as he started to exhale. I snatched it back while he was coughing up a storm.

“That’s what you get, fucking minor!” I smacked him on the back of his head and slouched back into my seat.

\---------

It was nearing midnight when I was woken up, I hadn’t even realised I was asleep. Embry and Quil were wrapped up in each other's arms in a very adorable cuddle, Sam was slumped in the armchair with Emily on his lap. I looked up to see who had tapped my shoulder. 

“Hey, we’re about to go on patrol.” Seth said in a whispered tone. I moved to stand up, “No, Jared is actually taking your spot, he’s gotta leave pretty early tomorrow and you need to talk to Mom.” He pushed me back down and was out of the room with Jared and Paul before I could protest. He was right, as he usually was but that didn’t mean I had to like it. 

I got up in a huff and grabbed my things, not that there were many. I shoved my cigarettes and lighter into my back pocket and grabbed my phone before waving an obnoxious goodbye to everybody who was paying attention. I walked out the back door. I’d decided not to phase, the night air wasn’t too bad, had to be mid-forties and the walk would do me good to run ideas through my head. 

It wasn’t a long walk to my house, and it followed along the same dirt road every other house on the reservation did. Facing Mom was something I never wanted to do. I missed her like hell but the idea of having to stand in front of her and talk about killing her husband was a nightmare. I had even considered just moving out of the house entirely, of course even with the stipend for the ‘Protectors of the Reservation’ it would have been a longshot. 

It had taken the whole walk over to grab the courage I needed to do this. Mom wouldn’t have been asleep yet. These days she was up till all hours worrying about funeral planning and herself. I’d heard her crying the few times I’d come home too early. Taking in a big breath and thinking about some lyrics to Crimson and Clover, which ultimately led to calming thoughts of Bella, I grasped the door handle. It squeaked just like always, but I wasn’t hiding this time.

“Leah?” Mom called from the dated kitchen. I walked around the wall to find her in our small green kitchen. She was sitting at the table, a glass of wine in hand and a photo book open.

“Hey.” I responded sheepishly. In an instant Mom was standing up and running to hold me in her arms. I was not expecting her to want to be near me at all, I’d been the reason her husband died. I slowly managed to wrap my arms around her back and lean my head down low enough to be on her shoulder. I let out a sob I hadn’t known I was holding in. It wracked through my body like a wave on the shore, hard and fierce. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I’d managed to choke out through the onslaught of emotion.

Mom was crying too. She held me tighter as I began to shake, I was shaking not in anger but in sorrow. I had missed Mom so much; I had missed her holding me. I felt like a child again after falling down. Here Mom was with a hug and a calming tone, rubbing her hand down my back. It had taken a long time for me to really understand she was talking, my own crying drowning out most of the noises nearby. 

“It's okay Leah, it wasn’t your fault, Dad loved you, I love you.” was being said on repeat, slowly and assuredly despite the fact that Mom was also crying. Her face buried into my shoulder awkwardly, this is the first time we’d hugged since I’d grown three inches and gained thirty pounds of muscle. “I missed you, honey.” She said, most of the sound muffled by my sobbing and her pressing her face further into my shoulder. I don’t know how long we stood there locked in each other's embrace. It was very cathartic, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. 

She held my hand, and we went to sit down back at the table where her photo book was laid out. The ice in her glass of wine had melted and there was a clear separation between the water and the wine. She had begun to fill the second glass I didn’t notice when I walked in and handed it to me. She scooted her chair closer to me and we sat shoulder to shoulder. 

“Dad’s life needs to be celebrated, honey. We can’t dwell on our mistakes. Your father loved you so much and yes he was crass and rude at times, but you have to know he didn’t blame you.” I looked up at her with tears coating my lashes and blurring my vision. I hadn’t known about anything after the heart attack, I didn’t know if he made it to the ambulance alive. 

“How do you know?” I asked, voice hoarse.

“He told me, he told me in the ambulance, he told me he loved you and he was just trying to protect you.” She smiled slightly, her face still blotchy and wet. “He didn’t quite make it to the hospital, I got back home just before it came.” She explained. She took my free hand in both of hers and laid a kiss on them. “Do you want to look at his life with me?” she nodded down towards the photo book and I hiccupped out a “yes” ever so quietly. 

We sat in near silence, near because of all the sniffling and hiccupping and general sad tone and flipped through Mom’s photobook. There was a photo of Dad forty years younger holding a fish that claimed it was an 18 pounder, he couldn’t have been more than 14. He was holding it up with some difficulty, eyes full of pride. There was a photo of him and Uncle Billy from so long ago they barely look like the same people. It showed them outside the Tribal School leaning against an old pick-up truck with their arms crossed. There was a photo a few years later of my parents, looking so young. They were sitting on a couch looking lost in the other’s eyes. There were a few more of both of my parents, mostly in folding chairs around bonfires or lakes with bright smiles and goofy faces. There was a collection of photos from their wedding day. The background had Uncle Billy and Chief Swan and a few other well-known members of the tribe. They were so young and so happy. One that made me pause and admire it was a photo of Mom in Dad’s arms, head thrown back in laughter, Dad looked at her like she was the only girl in the world. 

A few pages turned and suddenly my heart stopped. It was a photo of Dad, holding a tiny baby in his arms. She was swaddled and asleep, Dad was looking down at this baby, proud and happily. His eyes were bloodshot but there wasn’t an ounce of sorrow in his face. I hadn’t seen Dad look at me like that in a long time. I stopped and felt the picture, it moved under my fingers and I pulled it off the paper clip that held it to the page. I brushed my fingers over my Dad’s happy, smiling face and turned the photo over.  _ Harry and Leah, September 6, 1996.  _ My birthday, I smiled. We flipped through more pages and I saw Seth and I grow up under the watchful, joyful eyes of our father. He was always smiling in every picture. There was a photo from my 16th birthday where Dad was handing me the keys to his pickup so I could go take my driver’s test, so much love clear in his eyes. I looked so much more interested in the keys in his hand. Had I missed that he cared? At least he did 5 years ago. I huffed and pushed the book back over to Mom. 

“So,” She started, taking a sip of her wine and closing the book gently, caressing it with her fingers as she did. I had grabbed my own glass of wine and was sipping. “Seth told me something interesting the other day.” I paused staring at her, wondering just how much she knew. She looked me in the eyes, “Well obviously I know about the wolf thing Leah.” She sounded exasperated, tired when I looked at her shocked. 

She took her hands and rubbed her eyes with her palms, “Leah, I am taking your father’s seat on the council and I was informed three days ago. That is not what I am referring to.” I cocked my head curiously. If it wasn’t the wolf thing, what else could it have been? She sighed and grabbed my hands in hers, resting our elbows on the worn pine wood of our table. “When am I going to meet my daughter-in-law?” she asked very straightforwardly, and I could feel my face heating up. 

“Um, I haven’t met her yet.” I admitted quietly, looking down at the table.

“Leah Julia Clearwater!” She shouted slightly in that tone I’m sure every mom does when they pull out the full name. “You saved this girl’s life, and you haven’t met her yet? What are you waiting for? I want to see my daughter happy, dammit.” I looked up at that, Mom kind of cursed, that never happened. 

“Uh, I, I don’t know Mom.” I stumbled out. She fixed me with a mom look and then sighed, giving up.

“Oh well,” she pulled me into a hug and then spun me out of the kitchen. “Go to bed, we’re leaving at 8.” She kissed my cheek and squeezed me one last time before letting go. I walked into my room dazed, exhausted, and amazed by my mother. I glanced at that stupid alarm clock. 2:10 it flashed at me. Oh well, this was better than getting off patrol at 4 in the morning and dragging my ass to bed trying not to wake Mom up. I double checked that the folded piece of paper that held Dad’s eulogy was still there. It was and I sighed in relief. All that weight had been lifted off my shoulders, Mom didn’t hate me. She was mad I hadn’t introduced her to Bella yet, of all things. She was celebrating my father for the life he lived and the kids he raised and the people he’d impacted. She never was one for the macabre. I pulled out all the contents from my pockets and then pulled off my pants. I grabbed my blanket and that was it. I was out like a light. 

\---------

When I woke up, I was numb and tired again. Today was going to be draining and I was not prepared. I’d gotten up a few hours after I’d slept and pulled on the only dress that I owned that could be called formal. It fit too tight because I was not the same girl I was when I bought it two years ago. I’d been sitting on my bed aimlessly and smoking when Mom knocked. She looked beautiful; she always did. She was in a long black dress with her hair braided intricately and adorned with blue and red feathers. Red was Dad’s favourite, blue was Mom’s. She looked at me irritated. I forgot she hated smoking in the house. I shrugged and put my cigarette out in the ashtray by my bed. She gestured for me to turn around 

I did as I was kind of instructed and she started braiding my hair. I was the most relaxed I had been in days, after all the stress of the last few days and the stress in only a few hours, my Mom doing my hair was the most wonderful thing I could think of. She brushed and twisted just like she had when I was younger. She had a few feathers next to her on the bed where we sat in silence, just enjoying each other's company. When she had finished, she kissed the top of my head. 

The rest of time moved in a blur. One minute I was at home reading my eulogy over and over. The next I was setting up chairs and tables and photos and flowers in the backyard with Seth and our packmates. The next we were at the cemetery; I was having a stress smoke and all the boys had run to the benches lining a small section of the cemetery in front of Dad’s casket. I was shaking and breathing so heavily. I had just enough time to finish before the service started. I was walking towards Mom and Seth when I noticed a small, brunette girl next to Chief Swan. It was Bella. I didn’t slow my pace and walked right past her to the front row. I sat to the left of my brother with the intention of looking behind me to see the girl I had been transfixed on for so long. 

I hardly paid attention to the funeral; Dad wasn’t a stuffy guy he wouldn’t have wanted something like this. Nevertheless, it was tradition, and he did like tradition. I kept looking around at Bella Swan and every time I had to pretend to be focused and interested, I was looking at her best I could peripherally. She was here and she was beautiful and perfect. I was brought out of my thoughtless watching when Seth stood up. He placed a hand on my shoulder and I went stiff, he’d caught me. I wasn’t as slick as I’d thought. He went up and this time I did pay attention. He started with an anecdote about how when he was a boy, he wanted to go out for the reservation’s baseball team, he talked about how Dad helped him train and kept his confidence up. When he didn’t make it, Dad had taken him out to dinner anyway, to celebrate his effort. They kept working at it and the next year, Seth made the team, because Dad never gave up on him. He ended with some basic closing statements; Dad would be missed. He was a good man, a good father, and he’ll always be in our hearts.

He came to sit back down next to me. I scooted closer then and grabbed his hand. The three of us huddled together on that front row bench, holding each other. I had stopped paying attention again and zoned out, thinking of Bella and how much I wanted to turn around and take her hand and run with her anywhere. That would probably scare the shit out of her though. Chief Swan had finished his speech and Mom nudged me to get up. I did so and as much as I wanted to look up and directly at Bella, I figured that would be off-putting, especially since this was a funeral held in my father’s memory. I read my speech as practised, it was short and concise but really hard for me to get through. When I had finished, I felt her eyes on me. I looked up and I knew I needed to leave; I was not about to drag Bella Swan out of a funeral for my father because I needed her right now. Nope, that is not fair to anyone here, especially her. I stepped back from the podium and just walked away. Seth got up then too and we started to pick up our pace, I started toward the parking lot when I finally caught her eyes; actually looking in them for the first time since pulling her out of the surf. They were more beautiful when she was conscious, they showed so much emotion. She was like an open book, all of her feelings were written on her face, her eyebrows were furrowed in an expression that might have shown concern, but her lips were parted ever so slightly and gave the appearance of awe. If anything, I was in awe of her. 

Seth and I reached the parking lot and gave each other a crushing hug. We stood there embracing each other for a few minutes before I pulled away. I walked over to the pick-up, Mom had driven Seth and me, and pulled out my phone. I knew Jacob had tried to make things right with Bella and that he could get her to the wake. I opened up the lock screen and went straight to messages. I found the contact name I’d saved for Jacob and typed out a message. 

**To Bitch Boy:** ** _Get Bella to the wake soon yeah?_**

**From Bitch Boy:** ** _Yeah sure_**

**To Bitch Boy:** ** _Thanks you’re a champ_**

**From Bitch Boy:** ** _I know_**

**To Bitch Boy:** ** _Don’t get cocky I’ll beat the shit out of you again._**

**From Bitch Boy:** ** _;*_**

I smiled down at my phone, once we had gotten over the whole Bella incident and Jacob’s misogynistic bullshit, we were actually pretty compatible, we had good banter, and we could laugh together. I frequently reminded him though if he ever treats any woman like that again I’d personally kill him, slowly, painfully, and in a way that would ruin his image for anyone who ever saw the corpse. Thinking about killing someone at a funeral was weird, I reminded myself. 

“I’m gonna walk back to the house and start putting out the food, you coming?”

“Yeah, sure.” Seth responded, “Wait, the truck?”

“Mom needs to get home.”

“True.” With that we walked in companionable silence until we got home, we walked at a human pace and when we got home, several members of the pack were already in back finishing up. Sam had started the bonfire, Quil and Embry were moving chairs around, and Seth and I sat back in awe of the entire network we had at our disposal. My phone dinged so I flipped it upright and a message illuminated the screen.

**From Bitch Boy:** **_Hey were on the way_**

I smiled. I was finally going to actually meet Bella. I was gonna talk to her, I was gonna woo her, I was gonna get all of her attention and do something, anything. Well, hopefully not be super creepy. People had started to pull into our driveway and come back. There were plenty of Dad’s friends and a few aunts and uncles that weren’t really aunts and uncles. It was family in the loosest sense of the word, but they were good people who knew Dad. This ‘wake’ would be more like a party. Loved ones sharing memories, making conversation, celebrating my father’s life. 

I was just standing around when Jacob's rabbit pulled into the dirt drive. I stared intently at the car and saw Bella step out. I hadn’t even noticed what she was wearing. She looked so beautiful. A lacy shirt that showed pale creamy skin at the top, black slacks that fit tight around her waist and backside and gave way to flaring around her ankles. I chuckled when I saw her feet. Her whole outfit screamed mature, sophisticated, and beautiful. Instead of dress shoes she was wearing black converse with the laces tied around her ankles. She had a cardigan that was a little baggy draped over her shoulders. She was creating sweater paws with her hands the way the sleeves were too long for her thin arms. My eyes followed her as she walked with Jacob to the backyard. He was leading her over to the bonfire where the rest of our pack was. 

She was looking around, head on a swivel. What was she looking for? Jacob had commanded her attention again and was going through some sort of introduction. I started walking over to my brothers. Left foot, right foot. Keep your head up, you don’t want to trip in front of her, I thought to myself. As I approached faster and faster, she and Jacob left to get food. Dammit, I’m walking too slow, I scolded myself internally. When I reached the bonfire, I touched Seth’s shoulder and said ‘Hi’. He smiled and gave me a wink and a big thumbs up. Jacob looked back over to me and gave me a nod before not so subtly slinking away from Bella. I started feeling butterflies in my stomach, my hands shaking ever so slightly. 

I stopped at the table and looked over to my right. She was standing at the halfway point of the table, lips opened ever so slightly, mid gasp. I shouldn’t have been staring at her lips, I knew that. That thought wasn’t enough to actually pull focus though. Her lips were thin but plump, pink and parted. She had some sort of lip gloss on that made her look all the more kissable. I stopped staring at her lips and moved my gaze up her face. I saw her eyes. My eyes froze on hers and I swear we were the only two people on the planet. Her eyes were so deep, a light brown colour that I could get lost in for years. They were warm and comforting and had these indescribably beautiful golden flakes swimming around her pupil. Her irises had a dark swirl around the outside, it was like a damn ocean of chocolate I would dive into everyday of the week. 

“Oh, sorry. Let me get out of your way.” She started walking backwards and stumbled, I started to reach out to her when she steadied herself. Wait, no, don't leave! I thought. 

“No!” My eyes widened, oh shit I had said that one out loud. She looked taken aback too and moved closer to me, seemingly unconsciously. She turned a beautiful shade of pink starting at her cheeks, she was embarrassed, why? Not that I wanted her embarrassed, but I would do anything to see her face flushed like that again. She was so beautiful. 

She stepped closer again, “I’m Bella Swan.” She said it cheerfully and adorably. She stretched out her hand, smiling. I looked at her hand, not really paying attention to the social implications. Her hands were small and soft looking with slender fingers and dark blue nail polish. It was chipping near the top of her nails suggesting she bit them. I don't know why but that made me fall more in love with her. I guess she thought I didn’t shake hands because she dropped her arm.

“Sorry,” She laughed. She laughed and my heart fucking melted, it was this beautiful high-pitched musical thing that I demand the right to hear every day. “I’m used to the handshakes.” She stretched out her arms and I was too far gone in the drug that was Bella and I walked into her arms before I could stop myself. I moved my arms down to her waist and held her tightly. Oh my god I hope I never let go. I breathed her in deep, she smelled like vanilla and strawberries and everything good. I was trying so hard to control my hands. She was so much shorter than me, shorter than I remembered. She had to be a good 10 inches shorter than me. The longer I stood there blissed out in her embrace the more I realised it was probably getting weird. I dropped my arms and stepped back, trying not to seem too clingy. 

My face hurt and it was only then I could tell I was smiling big and bright for the first time in what had to be years. I was so happy. She definitely noticed. My energy was definitely crazy, but she didn’t seem to mind. She was smiling too. I needed to say something, I haven’t purposely said anything yet. Ummm think Leah.. “So, uh, do you, um come her- know Jacob?” Really Leah?! Do you come here often? Do you know Jacob? Are you a fucking moron? I yelled at myself internally.

“Yeah, I’ve known Jacob for years. I still don’t know you though.” I hadn’t told her my name yet. Fucking stupid! 

“Oh,” I dropped my eyes to the ground nervously, “Leah Clearwater, I think we’ve run into each other before.”

“I’m sure, our dads were friends, I’ve been down here a few times.” 

“That is cool, do you maybe wanna eat with me and my friends? Jacob is over there too.” I gestured vaguely to the pack.

“Sure,” She said excitedly. She turned and started to walk towards my brothers. I noticed her plate was empty. She was so skinny, she probably needed to eat. I poked her arm lightly and she jumped in surprise.

“Aren’t you gonna get some food first?” I asked and she blushed that beautiful pink again. I smiled more now and handed her my plate which I had been loading up since our hug. It had some of Dad’s fish fry, his recipe, potato salad, a hamburger, and some cheese dish Emily had brought that smelled amazing. 

She blushed again and managed to squeak out, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, ba-” I cleared my throat, “You’re welcome.” Really Leah?! You’re welcome babe? What the hell are you thinking? She stepped to the left in an attempt to give me more access to all the food on the table. I smiled at her despite being a little pink myself and went down the line plating just about everything on the table before stopping at the cooler at the end to grab a beer. 

Cautiously I smiled at her and held my arm out for her to grab. She took my arm and we walked arm in arm to the lawn chairs and logs surrounding the bonfire. Jacob was telling some stupid story about something I didn’t know about, so I shifted my focus and split it between eating as much food as possible and staring at my beautiful imprint. I saw the looks we were getting from the corner of my eye. Emily looking happy, members of the counsel looking confused, my pack brothers winking at us. It didn’t sour my mood though, if anything it brought out even more joy. 

“So,” I cleared my throat, “Bella, Jacob’s been dragging you down here a lot huh?” I said trying to seem casual, but I doubt it was. Paul sniggered as I shoved food in my mouth to keep from saying something else.

“Uh, yeah I guess. Not much to do in Forks but go to school. At least down here I can be around people who don’t suck. Usually.” She said with a pointed glare in Jacob’s direction.

“Yeah Jacob is the worst.” I tacked on getting a surprised noise from her. 

“The absolute worst right?” she giggled. “Always running around without a shirt on, in December, who does that?”

“Frat boys, douche bags, and wol-hall monitors” I knew she knew about wolves, but I don’t think she knew I knew about wolves. A lot to think about.

“I could see Jake as a frat boy, doing back flips and drinking irresponsible while shouting Greek letters.”

“Not to be unfair to Jacob here but, I don’t even think he knows the English alphabet, how could he ever learn Greek?”

She snorted at that one, trying to keep her food in her mouth while chuckling hard. I take back what I said about her laugh, her throaty chuckle of pure amusement was way better and made her more perfect because it was so vastly different than I’d expected. It made her real, a real tangible person. And the spirits chose her for me. Little old me. I patted her back a couple of times, lightly, to make sure she wasn't choking. I also made sure not to linger. “That might be too true,” she said hoarsely, “He runs every stop sign like he can’t read.” I laughed in the moment but the second her head was turned I glared at Jacob in a threatening manner. ‘Precious Cargo’ I mouthed angrily. He looked spooked but waved me off like I hadn’t threatened him before. By now he was done with his conversation and everyone was staring at us. We all slipped into easy conversation from there.

“So glad you’re here Bella.” Sam said after a while, “It’s nice to have family and friends here on a day like today.” she nodded, looking a little bit like a deer in headlights. I was scarfing down the rest of my food while the rest of my packmates talked to her, making light jokes and conversation. Embry complimented her appearance which made her blush and smile bashfully. Jacob made some weird joke about motorcycles which had him cracking up along with Bella. She was smiling and having a good time. I am so glad she came. I nudged Seth and made grabby hands until he handed me my new carton of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket. I was till pissed past Leah hadn’t bought the dress with pockets. I lit up, but this time I wasn’t stressed I was purely enjoying myself. I had the most beautiful girl in the world to my right, blushing and laughing, my family all around me, and a little spark of happiness between my fingers. I took another pull.

“Bella,” Paul joined in the conversation, unprompted, might I add. “Do you prefer dogs or cats?” I choked on my smoke and my eyes went wide. He was making a lesbian joke, why the hell was he going to make a lesbian joke? 

“Um, dogs I guess?” She said with her head cocked in confusion, looking to Jacob for help.

“That’s a damn shame.”

“Why?”

“Leah loves puss-” She stiffened and turned pink, side-eyeing me.

“Okay that's enough.” I said standing up and throwing my cigarette into my nearly empty can of beer. “Let’s go for a walk Paul.” I grabbed him by the arm not really giving him a choice and dragged him out into the woods. We walked a good few paces away from prying eyes. It was dark by now though so it probably wouldn’t have mattered how far we walked. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I asked him, pissed off.

“I’m just hazing, it’s fun.”

“You didn’t do that shit to Emily or Kim.”

“But, and hear me out here, they aren’t white. You imprinted on a white girl, I’ve gotta haze.”

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?”

“She doesn’t know anything and it's funny.”

“Are you an idiot? Like really, do you have brain problems, or do I need to give you some?”

“Jesus Leah, don’t bite my head off. It’s harmless, I’m not gonna drive her away and it’s so funny.”

“Don’t make jokes like that again dude, okay?”

“Yeah, fine, whatever, Jesus.” he said before muttering “I’ll only do it when you’re not around.” 

Before I could sock him in the face or nuts or back of the head my phone buzzed. I fished it out of my bra where apparently I had left it for the past however many hours.

**From Bitch Boy:** **_Charlie and Bella are leaving. Hes got an early day tomorrow and technically they arent supposed to be here for the legends_ **

**To Bitch Boy:** **_Dammit._ **

**To Bitch Boy:** **_hug her for me_ **

**From Bitch Boy:** **_She’s coming back tomorrow for dinner at mine. I’ll make myself gone for enough time for you to flirt better this time._ **

**From Bitch Boy:** **_;*_ **

I turned my attention back to Paul, “You’re lucky this is an expensive dress, otherwise I’d beat you up.”

“Yeah right.” He said but his hands were up in surrender, so I knew I’d won. I smiled and we walked back. I only had to hold out until tomorrow. Bella would be back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should be the last chapter that is retelling events from the last chapter hopefully. If you have thoughts or or anything let me know, I also accept ego boosts.


	8. Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella just thinking ig

Part VIII: Bella

Charlie had dragged me away from the campfire last night. I had not wanted to leave. I had enjoyed the casual easy conversation and I enjoyed being with friendly people. Jacob was slowly regaining my trust, seeming to have truly given up on his pursuit to get in my pants. That doesn’t mean I stayed long in the hug he wrapped me in after he had walked Charlie and me back to the cruiser. It had been an awkward endeavour compared to the way we’d been clinging to each other all autumn and into the beginning of winter. He was too big to not completely envelop me in the hug but he was trying not to let his arms wrap around my waist. My arms had stayed squarely in the middle of his body, not going up around his shoulders like they would have been last week. It was short, barely a few seconds and Charlie had fixed us with a look afterwards. Jake had waved bye and jogged back to the pack and his father. 

Charlie and I climbed back into the cruiser and headed back to the house. 

“So you and Jacob have been spending a lot of time together,” Charlie said.

I turned crimson at the insinuation, “It’s not like that dad.”

“I know you kids are doing things differently nowadays but Jacob is a fine young man, better than that Cullen kid.” He froze a little after mentioning Edward, but I didn’t flinch. Hearing his name didn’t hurt, surprisingly. It felt distant, mere memories that couldn’t affect my future. 

Sensing Charlie’s trepidation I responded. “Yeah he is, but really dad, don’t get your hopes up.”

Charlie sighed in relief and chuckled a little. “We’ll see.” We spent the rest of the drive in silence. 

I thought of that conversation the morning after. I was awake early, maybe 7:00. Charlie had to go into work today, it was the last weekend before he’d have to go up to Seattle so he had a lot of work at the station I guessed and with Christmas two days away things were bound to be busy. I was making eggs and bacon and Charlie was reading the news on his phone. He was working on his second cup of coffee. 

“Here you go,” I said as I sat down a plate in front of him. He nodded distractedly and sighed. He lowered his phone to the table. 

“It’s getting real bad Bells.” He slumped over his breakfast and grabbed his fork loosely. “Please don’t go anywhere near Seattle.”

“Wasn’t planning on it dad.”

“I know, I just worry. Sometimes you can be impulsive.”

“Is this about Phoenix?”

He sighed and shovelled in a mouthful of food. He took a long slow sip of his coffee. “It’s not  _ not _ about Phoenix, Bells. You just up and left. I was afraid I’d lost you. I don’t want to lose you again. I just got you back.” Tears were starting to cloud his vision. He wiped his face discreetly, trying to block them from my view but it was too late. I’d seen them already. I knew leaving for Phoenix in the middle of the night had affected Charlie negatively and I was grounded for months after, but I had never imagined that it was so bad. 

“I’m sorry Ch-dad. I didn’t mean anything I said when I left then. I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon.”

“I know, I know. And I forgive you, you were just a zombie for so long and now with all this bullshi- stuff happening in Seattle, I’m just being an overbearing Dad.” He finished his breakfast and stood up. “It doesn’t matter, you’re home and safe. Bye kiddo. I’ll see you at 5:00.” He strode towards the foyer where his gun and badge were mounted on the wall. He slipped on his boots and was walking out the door. 

“See you at five!” I shouted at him as he stepped out, “I’m making apple pie!” He pumped his fist and shut the door firmly. I smiled. Life was better out of the blue. I used to attribute my better mood to Jake, but with his recent actions and my cliff-jumping, it seems I was getting out of my depression for no reason. Charlie and I were able to talk, he wasn’t walking on eggshells as much around me. Everyone seemed more relaxed around me. Even Alice’s calming presence didn’t seem to be the reason for my good mood. 

As I started cleaning up breakfast and finished my coffee, my mind drifted back to the funeral. Leah Clearwater was the name of Harry’s daughter. I knew I had seen her before but I don’t think we were ever formally introduced. Holy hell that woman was stunning. Her eyes were beautiful and rich and dark. I could feel myself getting lost in the endless depths of her irises every time she fixed her gaze on me. I could feel myself musing about her lips when she quirked her mouth in a half-smirk. I could remember her loud guffaw when someone made a joke, her eyes glinting every time she looked over at me. Her energy became relaxed when she had a beer in her hand. She seemed like the kind of woman who could both be tough and domineering but incredibly sensitive at the same moment. I smiled unconsciously when I remembered the moment she had turned her head just slightly to pull a cigarette out of her pack. How it dangled from her fingertips and how she put it in her mouth. Smoking was so bad but so hot. Wait? Hot? 

I suddenly jammed my hand into the side of the sink. I grunted and shrieked a little in surprise and pain. I had been holding a plate in my hand and it had shattered. My hand had a big cut along the side and I quickly shoved it under the faucet that I had just realised was way too hot. “Ouch.” I dropped the remaining ceramic and moved to my left to get into the pale drawer that held the towels. My hand reached for the knob but instead found a towel being clutched in a cold hand. Alice. 

Alice grabbed my hand quickly and adjusted the water temperature. She put my hand under the cooled water and watched as the blood ran into the drain. She pulled my hand gently back to hers and wrapped it in the waiting towel. She was able to do it so fast I was still woozy from the blood by the time she had secured my hand in the towel and ran to get a band-aid. I had just sat down when she was applying a band-aid and some ointment to my cut.

“You are so accident-prone, Bella.” She said with a smile in her voice.

“You missed patching me up after I do stupid things and you know it,” I responded, a smile big on my face. I loved Alice.

“Maybe I just missed you, did you consider that?” She pulled her hands back and sat back beaming at me. “All done.”

“Thank you. Now I have to figure out how to do the rest of the dishes and bake a pie and waste,” I glanced at the clock, “five hours.” 

“Well, It could be fun to learn how to bake a pie.” She suggested. She stood at the sink now, cleaning the remaining dishes and throwing away little bloody pieces of ceramic.

“You don’t know how to bake a pie?” I asked incredulously. 

“You’re the only human in my life Bella, who would I have made a pie for?” She giggled. 

“Alright then, I will teach you to make a pie.” I smiled. She gave me a thumbs up from her spot at the sink. She finished drying the last of the dishes. 

I taught her to bake a pie. I decided to make it early so I wouldn’t have to worry about a time crunch. I showed her how to make a simple dough, taught her how to not over-knead it. That was a problem, she was so enthusiastic that she tended to be too strong with the dough, even barely putting pressure on it. I laughed as her vampire strength pummeled the poor dough. We had to start over twice. The last time we made dough, I made it by myself as Alice watched. It was nice to have her back. We were chatting about nothing at all and I was having the time of my life. I was so content but it felt like I was still empty, my immediate thought was to think of Edward. That thought didn’t make any sort of impact on the empty feeling. Without my consent, my brain switched to Leah. Her long legs, her toned arms and shoulders, her beautiful long hair, and her backside, which I could’ve successfully bounced a coin off of. My thoughts stilled, Leah was the object of my unconscious thought, but why? 

I must’ve stopped moving, being so deep in thought, because Alice gave me a light poke and cleared her throat. I looked at her with a sheepish grin and began to explain my process for baking the bottom dough and preparing the filling. 

After another hour and a half, our pie was a beautiful golden colour with a crisp crust and sweet cinnamon and nutmeg seasoned apples. We coated the top in sugar before baking and the crystalized sugar mixed with the oozing of the apple made for a very appetizing smell. 

“It is a shame I can’t eat because I would love to try this,” Alice said longingly, staring at the pie and I laughed. 

We drifted up to my room after I wrapped the pie and stuck it in the fridge. I hadn’t started any of the homework I was meant to during the winter break and what time like the present to do it? I agonisingly read and annotated all of the acts of Romeo and Juliet, how had I ever enjoyed this drivel? It was nonsense, Juliet was a child and Romeo was only interested in her because he wanted to get laid. Not exactly the love story I’d always imagined for me and Edward. When I had finished, I slumped on to my bed and gave a quick look over to my clock. It was 2:20. I had three more hours before doing anything else so I curled up in Alice’s lap. She was sitting on my bed, reading The Price of Salt. She started to stroke through my hair and read aloud. I allowed my mind to wander, barely listening to Alice, focused more on the way her fingers were carding through my hair and allowing me to relax. 

My thoughts drifted to last night again. Paul had said something about cats or dogs, said Leah liked puss-. Oh my gosh. He was trying to tell me Leah liked pussy. I blushed at my thoughts, sure I was turning bright crimson at the implication my brain was making. If Alice had noticed she didn’t mention it and kept reading. Leah liked pussy, was she gay? If she was gay, how was I implicated with my seemingly newfound obsession with her? Sure she was probably the most beautiful, compelling, incredible woman I’d ever met, but I thought Edward was all of those things not even two weeks ago. I wasn’t gay even if every time Leah looked at me through her thick black lashes or turned her head to face me I got chills. That didn't matter because I was a heterosexual who just happened to truly admire another woman. There was nothing wrong with that. I love Alice and I think she’s beautiful and intelligent and perfect but I’m not in love with her. But, Leah wasn’t like Alice. She wasn’t dainty and mature and a model for any fashion magazine. Leah was tall and toned and strong. While she was drop-dead gorgeous I can’t imagine that she would be modelling for anyone any time soon. 

It was after a while of sitting in the same space, wrapped in comfort, that I realised I was hearing the door open. “Bella, I’m home!” was being shouted at me. I jerked up and Alice stayed put, reading silently now. Obviously, she had heard Charlie but didn’t give me any indication that he was home. “Be ready to go in 20!” He shouted directly up the stairs. I jolted out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror. I was still clean enough to pass for showered and put together. I ran a comb through my hair and pulled on a pair of loose-fitting jeans and an oversized hoodie. It was just Jake and Billy after all. Alice fixed me with a look of irritation and sighed but went back to her book without comment so I can’t have imagined I looked so awful. With that lack of disapproval, I trodded downstairs. I slipped once before reaching the landing and was able to grab myself on the bannister. I heaved my body upright and went to grab the pie out of the refrigerator. 

Charlie was back downstairs in a few minutes. He’d shed his uniform in favour of some jeans, a tee, and a flannel. He grabbed a six-pack out of the fridge and herded me out the door. We climbed in the cruiser and headed down the road. Charlie flipped to an oldies station that was playing some Eagles song that I vaguely recognized. Soon enough we were both singing under our breath and blasting the song out of the windows. “Living it up at the Hotel California!” We’d ended up singing the whole way there through various songs that I somehow knew. 

When we had pulled up to a small dirt driveway, Billy was already rolled out onto his porch smiling and waving at us. Charlie parked and we got out. I was actually looking forward to this dinner for some reason. As soon as we had gotten to the house I just felt relieved and relaxed. I’d been relaxed all day though, this was a different feeling maybe. Regardless, it was a carefree, contented feeling in the air. I held my pie in both hands being careful not to drop it and using the pie tin to carefully cover the bandage that was covering the underside of my right hand. 

“Hey there Charlie, Bella.” Billy nodded at us both. “Come on in.” He turned in his chair and rolled open the door. “The game is starting in ten.” He said as we stepped into the threshold. I walked to the kitchen and turned the oven on. I knew how to work everything in here. I placed my pie in the oven and set it to 120 degrees, enough to heat it evenly for hours but not enough to do any further cooking. 

“Hey Bella, Jake’s in the garage!”

“Thanks, Billy!” I called back and I made my way towards the back of the house waving at Charlie on my way out. “Text me when we’re eating!” he gave me a half-hearted nod and sat down on the couch.

I walked outside where it was cool and nice, the sun had just begun to set and there was no rain in the air. It was refreshing and beautiful as the sun set behind thousands of pine trees. It was a sight to behold. There was so little vegetation in Arizona that Washington was so niche for me. I strutted into the garage to find no one. I inspected further and found a sticky note hanging on the window of Jake’s rabbit. I grumbled and walked over.

_ Sorry, I’m not home.  _

_ Pack shit, you know?  _

_ I’ll be home in like an hour.  _

_ See you then. _

_ Jake _

What a jerk. I thought with no malice. If Jake wasn’t here I was just going to mosey around the road then I thought. I’d rather not watch football. It’s not that I didn’t understand it, I just didn’t care for it. So I started walking and thinking, but mostly walking. I watched every step I took, making sure I wouldn’t slip and crack my skull open along the only main road on the reservation. I walked along a familiar road then turned into a wide dirt trail with a sharp fork. It was only then that I finally looked up. I was nearing the platform where I jumped. I should go to look at it, I thought, to show myself how stupid an idea it was. I walked up to the platform. I expected to see a sunset touching the water and black water full of secrets. Instead, I stumbled upon the most beautiful girl in the world, relaxed, blissed out and smoking a cigarette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, please stroke my ego. Peace.


	9. The Cliffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, unfettered Leah and Bella conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if it sucks, I'm not writer I'm just a gay.

Part IX: Leah

Jacob had come through as promised. He made himself scarce when the Swans had arrived, sprinting from his garage and giving me a signal from across the road that meant he was going for a run. I nodded at him and watched from my place in the woods. Was I being creepy? Absolutely. Would I apologise for it? No way in hell. Everyone else in Bella’s life had had years to fall in love with her. I knew that me imprinting on her made me feel like I had a claim to be in love with her already, but more than that I wanted to learn about her. I wanted to know her, it's only fair to create some advantages for myself.

I watched as she disappeared into the small red house. And I watched as Bella tripped her way to the Black’s garage a few minutes later. She read a note and sighed then grumbled something I couldn’t pick up even with my super hearing. She started to walk down the dirt road, just kind of shuffling and watching her feet. They were cute, I get why she’d stare at them. She was wearing a pair of beat-up sneakers, the sides were scuffed and the fabric ripping in some places exposing purple fluffy socks. She was humming and trying hard not to stumble down the old dirt road. I followed silently, trying to figure out where she’d end up so I could just be there. She was walking down the path to the cliffs at Second Beach. Suddenly I knew where she was going.

I doubted she was going back to the cliffs to jump again. I’d seen Jacob scream at her for that. She was probably going just to look or to think. I did the same thing when Sam broke off our engagement. It was a good place to do serious thinking. I smiled and quietly sprinted up the wide path that led to a platform between the cliffs. I’d meet her there, it would be a lot less creepy than me stalking her and if I was wrong, I wasn’t but if I was, I’d meet her back at Uncle Billy’s. 

I stopped at the ledge and sat down. I threw my legs over the rocks. I grabbed my smokes and lit up. I slumped back onto the ground and looked at the sky, pine trees clouding the top of my view. The night was getting dark but shades of purple and pink covered the sky in patches. I heard short, uneven, and unsure footsteps creep up to the fork in the path leading to the edge of the treeline and I smiled. My body relaxed and my legs started swinging lazily over the cliff. I closed my eyes and listened to her steps get closer and closer. 

The footsteps stopped and I heard a small gasp. I cracked an eye open slowly, trying to seem cool and mysterious. She was staring down at me, her lips parted ever so slightly. 

“See something you like?” I joked. The smile on my face grew as she blushed deep and bit her lip. I took a drag from my cig. She cleared her throat and sat down a few feet away from the ledge. 

“Hi,” she muttered sheepishly. Her hair had fallen in front of her face and I lost sight of her pretty pink cheeks. She was drowning in the damn hoodie, it was cute but it blocked too much of her. 

“Hey,” I responded on my next puff out, smoke funnelling out of my mouth in a concentrated line towards her. It broke at her face and made a halo around her head. She didn’t seem disgusted, so that was good. I was trying so hard to act cool, but I felt like an idiot. I’d never played this part before, when I was with Sam he was the one trying to impress me. I was definitely not confident, but I had a feeling I had to be the one trying here. “What’s a girl like you doing all the way out here?”

“I wanted to watch the sunset,” She said, rolling the sleeves of her hoodie in her hands. “It’s always really pretty out here.”

“Not as pretty as you,” I replied, drawing in another lungful. I breathed out and sat up. I patted the ground next to me, encouraging her to sit near me.

Her eyes went a little wide and she shook her head, “I don’t think I should sit that close to the ledge.” I’d seen her jump just a few days ago but there’s no way in hell I’d let her fall. I decided to tell her.

“I won’t let you fall,” I said, sincerity in my voice. She looked indecisive and bit her lip in contemplation. “I’ll hold on to you if you want,” I said quietly looking down at the cliffside to hide my insecurity. I heard shuffling and she was next to me, still a few inches away from the ledge, her feet crossed in her lap. I smiled and put my left arm around her waist, slowly, giving her time to object. I slumped in relief when she didn’t and pulled in a drag. I blew out and passed the cigarette to my left and quirked my eyebrow in offering. 

Her eyes shifted to my cigarette and she stuck out a small pale hand with dark blue fingernails to accept it. She put it to her lips. I thought she was beautiful before, but this was sexy as hell. It really was until she took her first drag and started coughing up a storm. She teetered back and forth coughing thick smoke and holding her hand out to me so I’d take the cigarette back. She was bright red and had thick tears in her eyes. 

I laughed so loud. She looked at me angrily. “I promise I’m not being mean,” I said between laughs. “I just thought you knew how to smoke.” I finished and took a puff before I caught my breath and that was a mistake because I inhaled too deeply and ended coughing a little too. 

“That’s what you get.” She laughed and smirked at me, nudging me playfully. I rolled my eyes. “For laughing and for smoking, those are gonna kill you.” She had a serious message but her face showed no indication of actually being mad.

“So what I’m hearing is, you’re not cool enough to hang?” She scoffed.

“I am so cool, you don’t even know.”

“Oh yeah?” I arched my eyebrow, secretly feeling proud and happy she was bantering with me. 

“Heck yes, I ride motorcycles and talk to strangers and I run wi- logged on to websites without parental permission.” She said confidently and stuck her tongue out at me. She was gonna say runs with vampires. She didn’t know about me, didn’t know I was a wolf. I’d heard Jared and Paul joke about that a lot. She wouldn’t run with vampires anymore, she’d run with the wolves, well one specifically. 

“Oh, so you’re a badass. I’m sorry ma’am, I shouldn’t have doubted you.” I raised my right hand in defeat, it was tricky because I was still holding my cigarette. She laughed and accidentally moved closer and I swear my brain stopped working for a minute. 404 Error file not found. I was so distracted in the feeling of Bella pressed into my side and the sweet jingle of her laugh that I missed her talking. She was waiting for an answer and stupidly I said, “What?” like a moron.

“What are you doing on a cliff at 6 pm on a Sunday night when the Seahawks are playing?” Oh shit, I thought. I did not have a good reason for being out here. 

“Uhmm, sunset. I came to watch the sunset. ‘Cause the sky is pretty and ocean water?”

“Well, that sounds not at all convincing.”

“Can’t I just be outside on a beautiful night?”

“I guess you can.” She mused, “But it’s more fun to question your motives.”

“So, you enjoy making people sweat?”

“No!” She said sarcastically, “I’m a lovely young lady, I’m polite and perfect.”

“Well, you are definitely perfect,” I said aloud, not regretting it when her cheeks tinged pink and she smiled. I finished my cigarette and snubbed the flame. I tossed it back into the woods and she looked at me shocked.

“You’re a litterbug!?” She yelled? I winced.

“Uhh, I guess I didn’t really think about it.” I looked down at her and her pretty face was scrunched up in anger. “I will go get it then,” I said when she didn’t say anything for a second. Who knew Bella was a nature freak? I scooted back and reluctantly removed my hand from her waist, it might have been in my head but I thought I heard her whine. I grabbed the butt of the cigarette and stuck it back in the carton. “Why is this such a big deal?”

“Well it’s not good for the watershed and an animal could eat it and get sick.” I frowned, she was right but I had never thought of it before. I moved back to my spot on the ledge and pulled my arm around her waist again, “I’m sorry. I won’t throw these out outside again.” She smiled and snuggled into me again, hopefully subconsciously. I smiled and rubbed my left hand around her waist up and down. I pulled up my carton in my right hand and pulled a cigarette out with my teeth. I lit it carefully and took a careful puff, suddenly anxious. 

“If I promise to never hurt the environment with litter again, can I teach you how to actually smoke?”

She looked up at me with those big beautiful brown eyes, “You can try, I can’t promise I’ll look as cool as you though.” less angry now, more sarcastic than anything. 

“Oh, you’ll look cool alright,” I said cheekily with my cig between my teeth. “So,” I said, blowing out. “The best way I can explain it to you is you want to inhale it in, then inhale through your nose and then breathe out of your mouth,” I said and demonstrated. I offered her the cigarette and she took it. This time she inspected it carefully and scrunched her nose like a cute little rabbit. She locked eyes with me and put it between her lips. She took in a slow, measured drag and puffed her cheeks up a little before drawing in a big breath through her nose. She held it for a second and then let out a tiny cloud of smoke. 

“I did it! Why am I dizzy?” She said and immediately handed it back to me.

I chuckled deeply and lightly pulled her closer, not that she seemed to mind.

“That’s the nicotine, that’s what makes it feel good, it’s why I can’t quit,” I said. 

“Do you  _ want  _ to quit?”

“Not really. Helps to keep me grounded, makes me less irritable… usually.”

“Are you usually irritable? ‘Cause, you seem perfectly...” She paused to think, it was adorable. “Content? That’s not the right word but it’s close.”

“Oh, you think so?” I leaned back a little and shifted so I could look at her dead-on, “Paul could tell you some stories.”

“Paul is an asshole and I trust nothing he says.”

“Smart girl.”

“I should be, all the time I spend in school.”

“So that’s what the incredible Bella Swan does when Jacob Black isn’t dragging her around? Study?” I joked.

“What else is there to do? I don’t have friends really and Forks is two miles of nothing.” She shrugged.

“Really? No friends? No um,” I cleared my throat, “No boyfriend?”

She glowered for a minute, I knew about Bella and the leech from stories Jacob told but even he didn’t know much. Honestly, I had a hard time believing someone as beautiful and caring and amazing as Bella wouldn’t have been scooped up by someone else. I knew she’d kept rejecting Jake and as far as he knew she was single. But, she didn’t know that I knew lots of things about her. 

“No boyfriend.” She said finally, “I was with one guy for a while, thought we’d be together forever.” She said sadly. “Who doesn’t miss their first love though?” She mused. We sat in silence. I started freaking out inside. What if she really wasn’t over this guy? Did I even stand a chance with her? Did she really miss the leech? After a few minutes she sighed, “But, that’s in the past.” We were silent once more but she seemed completely relaxed and even had rested her head on my shoulder. In the passing moments, I had finished my second cigarette and smothered it. I put it back in the box when she spoke again.

“So… what does Leah Clearwater do in her spare time other than hanging out on cliffs for unspecified reasons? Any past romance drama or vicious rumours I should be aware of before I spend any more time with you?” I had to steady my breathing for a few reasons. First, she said my name. She said Leah Clearwater. Holy fuck, my name coming out of her mouth was the only way I would ever want to hear it for the rest of my goddamn life. I was absolutely gone on her. And secondly, she wanted to spend more time with me! With me! She was asking about my life, she wanted to know about me. I realised I hadn’t responded.

“Oh, umm well I don’t do much. Used to work at the bookstore, now I mostly hang out at the beach or with the guys.” I cleared my throat “You know Sam right?” She nodded. “Yeah, he’s my ex-fiancé.”

Her eyes widened in shock, “Sam Uley?”

“Yeah, we were high school sweethearts, we were together for 5 years before he met Emily. Who is my cousin, by the way.”

“Okay, that’s definitely a lot of drama.” She laughed. God, I loved her laugh. “Kind of beats mine. My ex took me on a hike before he broke up with me. He had this long-practised monologue and then he left me in the woods.”

“Well he seems like a real asshole, you’re too good for that piece of shit.”

“I am, aren't I?”

“Hell yeah! You’re a princess.”

“Hec- hell yeah!” She was so cute, all hyped up and energised. It was awesome. 

“I can’t believe you and Sam,” she said after a few minutes. “It just seems so weird he was ever with anyone other than Emily, sorry if that’s weird to say.”

“S’not weird, I get it. I used to be so mad when I saw them together but then I met… well I moved on and I don’t see how we ever could have been together now.”

“Personally I don’t see it either. I mean you’re stunning and cool and badass and Sam just seems so boring and strict.”

“You got that right. He’s always been uptight. You think I’m a badass?” I grinned and caught a glint in her eye.

“You’re like a smoking hot biker in a movie from the ‘80s.” Now it was my turn to blush. I was the one suggestively leading this conversation and here she was, she called me hot. Well, technically. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart all I heard was you calling me smoking hot.” I winked at her and she grinned wickedly.

“Maybe if you listened better you could get my phone number.” 

“I can listen pretty good,” I said maybe too fast and she giggled.

“A little desperate are we?”

“If it gets me your phone number I’ll be desperate.” 

She rolled her eyes and chuckled, “Maybe I don’t like desperation on you, Leah.”

“I think you like me anyway,” I said moving my face closer to hers.

“Maybe you’re right.” She responded with her face moving forward a little too. Her body weight shifted forward a little and she turned her shoulders. She glanced down at my lips. I watched her watch me and I couldn’t take it anymore. I pulled my right hand up and pulled her closer to me with the hand around her waist. My hand went to rest on her cheek and wrap around the back of her neck. I brought my face within an inch of hers. I was holding her in my arms, she was looking up at me with those incredible doe eyes and life was perfect. Everything I’d thought was great about life was diminished to nothing. I could stare into her eyes all day. I could watch her cheeks grow heated with pink tones for the rest of my life. And I could hear the way her breath hitched in my head over and over again. I leaned my face forward when suddenly there was a howl. I jerked my head back. Shit not right fucking now are you serious? I grabbed my phone out of my back pocket and pretended that I had just gotten a message. 

I looked back up at her to explain why I would suddenly have to leave and when I caught her face looking unbelievably dejected I wanted to kill whoever had howled a million times over. I had to pretend that my heart wasn’t breaking to see her looking sad and trying to hide it. I wanted to hold her in my arms and kiss her silly, screw the pack I only needed Bella. The rational part of my brain knew that I had to go though, it wasn’t really an option. I sighed and let go of Bella entirely. I grabbed my half empty carton of cigarettes and shoved my phone back into my pocket. 

“Not that I wouldn’t love to stay here but something’s come up and I gotta go, how about that number?” She frowned and shuffled back away from the cliff, silently turning brighter and brighter pink out of sheer embarrassment. I stood up and offered her my hand so she could stand up. She took it and once again I wanted to forget all about the pack and just stand there with our hands locked together. Another howl ripped through the sky and I visibly slumped. “You don’t have to give it to me if you don’t want to, I’d just really like to talk to you more.” I said quietly.

She gave me a look and her embarrassment went to sarcasm and attitude. She shifted her weight and stood differently making me feel small with the amount of power this girl had over me. I may have been nine inches taller than Bella but there's no version of this conversation where I held all (or any) of the power. She brought her hand up to her chin in mock contemplation. “I guess I could.” She grumbled, clearly not amused by my light attitude, “But I don’t play mind games Leah, you’re either going to text me or not.”

“I will text you as soon as I can.” I promised and opened my phone up to the contacts page.

“480-112-0813,” She rolled her eyes but gave in. I smiled brightly at her and winked.

“Will I see you again?” I asked hopefully.

“Maybe.” She replied. She was trying to sound indifferent but I didn’t miss the way the blush ran up her cheeks. 

“Bye beautiful,” I said and ran towards the path and disappeared into the forest. I ran at top speed for a few minutes and put down my phone and cigarettes. I stripped down and placed all of my things by a tree and I phased.

_ What the fuck is so important?!  _ I yelled in the pack mind.

_ The redhead is back.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions, comments, concerns, etc. Feed my ego if you have none of the above because I have low self esteem and a lot of doubt. Mazel Tov see you saturday.


	10. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella does a lot of thinking and is me all the time every day trying to justify my own existence, overall its kind of boring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, mid-terms, work, and an overwhelming bout of depression and shit. It's an okay chapter just vibe with me I'll figure shit out.

Part X. Bella

What in the hell was that Bella? I asked myself as I stood not 5 feet from where I had jumped, looking back into the woods along the cliffs where Leah had disappeared. I sighed and started back down toward the Black’s house and pondered just what in the hell that was. 

Okay, okay. I thought. You just tried to kiss Leah. Why on earth did you do that? You’re not gay. It is just emotions running high. You almost died a couple days ago; you’re probably just projecting. I paused, then why didn’t I kiss Jacob back? He felt wrong, it seemed wrong. Why hadn’t I glommed on to that phone call with Edward? Why can I think his name now without feeling that familiar stab through the heart? Holy crow, am I gay? I can’t be gay. I was completely in love with Edward and would've spent all of forever with him. This has got to be a fluke. 

I felt a blush run up my cheeks. She called me beautiful, and I beamed outwardly before diving back into my mind to finish this strange conversation with myself. Why had Leah called me beautiful? I knew she might’ve been gay right? To be that flirty and charming? It was cute when she blushed. I wonder how I can do it again. Focus! Oh god. My stomach tightened in embarrassment, anxiety, excitement? I had told Leah that I liked her. Oh god. It felt like all of the things I had done and said in that window of time were perfectly normal, nothing out of the ordinary. But now, I felt alone and embarrassed. I had told this girl who I’d met and spoken to once that I liked her. I mean did I? I gave her my phone number. 

I palmed my face and nearly tripped on a stray rock now that my vision was impaired. Why had I been so unbelievably sad when she left? And why had she left? It seemed like a phony excuse the more I thought about it, and then I stopped thinking about it because it made me sad to think that maybe she was leaving because she was tired of me. 

She seemed so surreal. It was like she wasn’t actually there. I haven’t been that happy in... I don’t know when, all we did was chat. It was her closeness that must’ve been triggering the onslaught of pure emotion, and a little adoration. Charlie was great, a caring, doting father, and a damn good cop. That being said, he was not a touchy-feely guy. Usually, I wasn’t into being held by my waist. Edward had always been brief with any touches other than holding hands. Leah had been bold and seemed happy to be holding me, reassuring me. Hold on, I thought. Why am I comparing Edward and Leah? I am not involved with Leah. We were just spending time together. Just killing time until dinner was ready.

With that thought, I immediately pulled my phone out of my pocket. Great, I thought, no text. I slowed my walk to a trudge. I fumbled with my phone in my hands, turning it on and off just for something to do. I knew subconsciously that I was impatiently awaiting a text from Leah. It was never like this with Edward. I was unsure of our relationship in the beginning, but I never sat around and waited for him, I didn’t have to. Wait, Bella, I thought, you are definitely getting ahead of yourself. Calm down, you and Leah are not in a relationship. I kept reminding myself of that, but if I was not involved with Leah, or at least obsessing about being involved with Leah, why did it feel so right? Everything with her felt natural despite my anxiety. The way her arm held my hip. The way my head was the perfect height to lean on her shoulder so comfortably, that had to mean something. It couldn’t all be in my head. 

My phone buzzed in my hand and I jolted, flipping it right up in my hands. I moved too fast though and dropped my phone and tripped hard, scraping my hands and putting a hole in my pants. I slowly moved back up and dusted myself off, then I reached down and picked up my now partially cracked phone. 

“Aw, man!” I grumbled and wiped the dirt out of the cracks in my phone. I sighed again when I saw who the text was from. 

** From Charlie:  ** _ ** Hey kid, dinner is about ready.  ** _

** To Charlie:  ** _ ** I will be right there. ** _

With that, I looked up and recognised a familiar gravel road slowly mixing with the dirt trail I’d been following. I was probably a half-mile away from the house. I picked up the pace not realising how hungry I was, I hadn’t really felt hungry in months. I’d been a zombie in a depressed state for so long, it was weird to feel things anymore. It was so strange to feel happy, embarrassed, even hungry. I guess almost killing myself was a great way to kickstart the feeling of actually living. The more I thought about that the angrier I got with Jacob. He had taken me home, he’d lied to me, he’d kissed me. 

He was annoying and evasive with his answers, he wouldn’t tell me who had saved me, I knew he knew. We had agreed not to keep secrets from each other. Why would he lie to me in the first place? I looked up from all that anger I felt, I felt anger! (Except for the fact that I could feel an emotion other than soul-crushing sadness, I was so angry with Jake.) I was at the back door of the Black’s house and opened the door. It had started to actually rain as I walked in, covering my heels in fat wet drops of rain. I shuffled on the little rug in front of the door to not drag anything in with me. I fiddled with the sleeves of my sweatshirt and plopped down on the couch next to Charlie. 

The Seahawks were winning against Dallas and we were nearing the end of the 4th. Russell Wilson was in victory position and just running down the clock. 

“One more game this season.” Charlie sighed, “First year Russell won’t make the playoffs. We’ve got no O-line.” He took a sip of his beer and passed it to me, “Want a sip kid?” 

I shook my head, beer was gross. “At least we beat Dallas, hurt their season, they aren’t going to the playoffs either,” I said to the grumbling agreement of both my dad and Billy. I’d learned enough about baseball and football to get by since moving in with Charlie, it was good mind-numbing fun. 

An alarm went off in the kitchen, “Hey, Bella could you grab the fish out of the oven?” Billy asked and I nodded. I went over to the kitchen and pulled the seasoned fish out of the oven and started to slice it up. I noticed there was already a salad and my pie on the table. I pulled the plates down from the cabinet, I’d been here so often since I moved in- I knew where everything in the Black’s house was and started to plate everything up. I set it all on the table and called out, “Foods on the table!” A couple of ‘okays’ followed, and I heard Charlie turn the TV off and help Billy to the table. 

We had all sat down when the back door was loudly yanked open and a soaking wet, shirtless Jacob stormed in angrily not looking in our direction as he stormed into his room. Billy didn’t so much as look up from his plate. Charlie looked confused but didn’t say anything. After a few moments of tense silence, Jacob came back out of his room, dried for the most part and wearing a shirt. There was a slight redness around his wrist when he reached out for his fork, but I didn't mention it. We sat in an uncomfortable silence made more awkward by the fact that Charlie had no clue about Jake. His eyes would flicker back and forth between us occasionally as he and Billy prattled on about their picks for the NFC and AFC division champions. Jake never looked up from his plate, but his anger seemed to have lessened. 

“So, Bella,” Billy said, turning his attention to me, “Any big plans after you graduate?”

“Oh,” I said, completely caught off guard, “Um, I don’t know actually yet.” I put my fork down and ran my fingers through my hair nervously. “I might stay close to home, go to Grays Harbor.” I paused and chewed a piece of trout. “Mom said that North Florida is a good school too, closer to her, Jacksonville. A lot of sun.” 

Jake’s head shot up, “You want to go to school in Florida?” He asked incredulously.

“Well maybe, I haven’t decided yet, I haven’t really started applying yet.”

He looked pissed but said nothing more, I think Charlie picked up on that and steered the conversation toward Jake. “How’s school for you, Jake?”

“Normal.” He replied dryly. I saw Billy’s hand smack Jake’s leg under the table and Jacob started to elaborate. “Junior year is hard; calculus makes no sense but I’m doing really well in English.”

“Just remember you’ll never actually use that crap in real life and just hope you can pull it out,” Charlie said, chuckling. 

“I haven’t used math a day in my real life.” Jake snorted and resumed shovelling the food into his face like he’d never eaten. 

“Well, I don’t know about you all, but I am ready for some of that amazing pie,” Billy said after a few minutes of quiet. He reached up the table towards the pie and cut into it. I had to admit, some of my best baking I could smell it from my seat across the table and man it smelt good. Billy gestured for everyone to hand him their plates and he doled out slices, several in Jake’s case. I hadn’t realised that I had been missing flavour. When I was _that_ depressed I never tasted anything, never really appreciated food. It was more than just never being hungry and never having the motivation to eat. I had missed the experience of eating. Just realising how dead to the world I had been I started to tear up while eating my pie. I noticed when a tear made its way down my face and I wiped it away with my sleeve. I blinked away the rest of the tears, not looking up to see if anyone had noticed. 

The conversation had stalled once again, and we finished our pie. 

“Hey, Bella can I talk to you?” Jake asked as I started to clear the table. 

“Uh,” I looked over to Charlie who waved me off and mouthed ‘it's good’ “Sure.” I put down the plates I was grabbing and followed Jake outside. As I walked my anger returned. I was ready for this fight as soon as the door closed, and we walked into the almost-privacy of the garage.

“What?!” I shouted

“The red-headed vampire was here.” He said looking taken aback. 

“Oh.” 

“She was here looking for you, she’s been tracking your scent, she knew you were here.”

“Oh.”

“Can you find a way to stay on the reservation so we can make sure you’re safe?”

“I can’t leave Charlie unprotected and I have Alice.”

“She’s not after Charlie, she’s after you. The little psychic leech-”

“ _Alice.”_

“Whatever, she’s been seeing flashes of more than one vampire and the redhead. She was running around in the woods near Clearwater and came on to the Rez. She was making a beeline to the cliffs.”

I gulped, “yeah, I was at the cliffs.”

“I know, you were safe, but I need you to have a sleepover with Emily or Leah or something until this is over.”

“Jake, tomorrow is Christmas, I can’t leave my house at Christmas.”

“Fine. Figure something out for the 26th then. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if you got killed, I couldn’t forgive myself if we lost anyone because of this bullshit leech coming around.” He leaned forward and wrapped me in a hug. I was completely blindsided by the affection I forgot I was angry with him and leaned into the touch. It didn’t feel as nice as when Leah touched me. Why am I thinking about Leah right now? 

“Oh my god, is Leah in danger?” I blurted out, remembering that Leah was with me on the cliffs. 

“She really didn’t tell you?” He murmured into my hair.

“Tell me what?” I pulled back and away from Jake’s embrace.

“C’mon Bells, you’re way smarter than that.”

Suddenly a lot of things clicked into place, she’s tall, stunning, muscular, she had a tattoo on her arm, but I hadn’t gotten a good look at it, she was so hot too- literally and figuratively- and she had to leave as soon as there were howls. “I didn’t know a girl could change.”

“We didn’t either. You’re safe with Leah, stick around her. She won’t let anything happen to you.” He sighed and ran his hand through his non-existent ponytail. “I’m coming over tomorrow and there’s gonna be wolves outside your house until you stay here, tell the little le-” I fixed him with a look, “Alice, that we’ll be around and that she is fine to stay with you for extra protection.”

“Alright, I’ll make something up, I’ll tell Charlie what he wants to hear,” I said biting my fingernails trying to think of just how to get what I wanted. Charlie always wanted me and Jake to be a couple, He’s going out of town next week and needs as little interference from me as possible, I just have to tell him I’m seeing Jake. The thought physically made my stomach turn and I wanted to force the idea out of my head immediately. I was about to explain the plan to Jake when my phone rang.

I pulled it out of my pocket and saw the screen said UNKNOWN NUMBER. I hesitantly answered with a tentative, “Hello?”

_ “Hey, it’s Leah.” _

I sighed happily, “Leah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the read, comment or kudos or don't I can't make you do anything but it boosts my ego.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, Eventide really just means at night but its a title as ridiculous as Twilight to describe a Y/A romance so let's go with it.


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